Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML
Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML
Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML
Today, my son dropped a firecracker in my flour storage bin, probably thinking the pop would make flour go everywhere. I guess he’s never heard of a dust explosion because what he actually did was set fire to the flour, causing such a violent shockwave it blew the kitchen window out of the wall. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
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Top comments
Essentials 0
Perhaps you should listen to your father in the future eh? Next time he might stick it somewhere else.
AshleyRose784 0
wow, your dad is officially nuts
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Comments (160)
AshleyRose784 0
wow, your dad is officially nuts
wickliffe 0
in no way did you deserve this. what kind of maniac sets off a firecracker in the house??
EffinWhosLife 0
Well he isn't completely nuts, how fitting that today happens to be the 4th of July?
qwerty475 0
haha when I modded this I laughed.... Then I realized my dad has shot his shot-gun out my window to wake me up- He used deer shot
Tsukasa_fml 0
Agreed. Be afraid.
LesYeuxDeDario 0
He's amazing ain't he ? *.*
curryndricegirll 0
erm...isn't that illegal?
AquarNLD 0
whahaha your dad is Epic
Muzikluvr93 0
awwwwwwww that suckkkks!!!!
cRaZy_burd_15 0
an awesome maniac
SilenceIsSilver 0
Yeah, if by nuts you mean EPIC. I wish I was cool like him.
Essentials 0
Perhaps you should listen to your father in the future eh? Next time he might stick it somewhere else.
Logica42 0
Oh god.
angorashi 0
Your dad rocks!
Dragodon64 0
No, he's a friggin dumbass who needs to learn his place.
Draq 1
Seeing as how he's the dad, I think he knows his place quite well. I second the 'rocks' option.
popoman 0
He rocks. You should let him rock your socks off...in bed!
wopchop12 8
**** off and live a little. That's what the kid gets for not listening to his father
Knockyoudown 0
Unluckyy.
mstgirl 0
What the hell? Why did he do that?
Life__suxx 0
Wellll,.. it is the fourth of july.
musiclife_fml 0
Don't worry, it's the 4th of July...he probably wanted to celebrate early!
rafaelaugusto94 0
lol!
lynnesey 0
her dad is awesome.
dotVillain 1
Wow, way to cry about it. So what if your room smells like gunpowder? That definitely doesn't make your life fuckable.
ball00nboy 0
way to not consider the fact that her dad is an ass.
dotVillain 1
Her dad is such an ass for trying to get her kid out of bed on the 4th of July for her to spend time with her family. Yeah, that makes sense.
ndawgg 6
He lit a freaking firecracker IN HER ROOM. To wake her up. What kind of dad does that? (Other than this one, obviously.)
razzumfrazzum 0
Its HIS HOUSE. He can do whatever the hell he wants. Personally I think her dad is full of win. I'd do the same thing if my kid tried to call my bluff on something like that. Its good for a laugh :D
heavenandhell 0
he gave fair warning...
asinforasin 1
Her dad is an ass? More like a badass!
MeganH0LLYW00D 0
You're dad is a badass. Be grateful.
ugadawg419 0
wow your completely gorgeous..
rapmasterfizzle 0
haha sweeett
ladidadi 0
can firecrackers actually set something on fire? if so, it was stupid of him to risk burning the house down just so he could prove a point.
xHaniffax 0
the whole point was that the OP should've woken up withouth the threat being followed through which could have burned the house down. Hopefully, they'll listen and do as they're told in future.
shmaller 0
Maybe they thought their dad was kidding, like any normal person would. If you're seriously implying that the father is willing to burn the house down to teach a lesson about obedience, I'll have to ask you whether the psych ward allows internet access.
razzumfrazzum 0
One firecracker won't burn down a house by any means. Not only that explosions of any kind don't start fires by themselves. There must be a second flammable material that gets ignited during the explosion. At worst the fire cracker will leave a black mark on whatever it was sitting on.