Today, I felt so self-conscious about my gut, I pushed it out and pretended I was pregnant rather than sucking it in. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I noticed while sitting on my office chair, my belly is now large enough to touch my thighs. I'm not pregnant, I just ate my feelings for the past few years, and gained about 20kg in total. I've never felt so much self-loathing as I do right now, and I'm too ashamed to ask for help. FML
Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML
Today, I was trying on a dress at my grandmother's house. When I posed for her, she told me she would expand the waist, because I won't be sucking in the whole time I would be wearing it. The joke's on you Grandma, I've been sucking my stomach in since I was twelve years old. FML
Today, I'm officially fat enough I have to lift my belly out of the way to get to my zipper when I need to pee in public toilets. I hate myself. FML
Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (who is very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I farted. FML
Today, while on the bus, a small child asked me if I was having a baby, and I replied "Yes." I'm not. I was just too ashamed to admit I was fat. FML
Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML
Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML
Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML
Today, a pregnant woman asked me to give her a demonstration on how to push when having a baby. I agreed and pushed, but I may have pushed a little too hard because I shat myself. The pregnant woman laughed and said she was hoping that would happen. FML
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Top comments
nonsensical 26
Just make sure you rest your hand over it to make it seem more authentic!
Tripartita 45
Been there, done that. Choked when asked if there were any names I was thinking of, said "Elf Monster" in response. Confused a lot of people, yelled when they didn't believe me.
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Comments (32)
chirstinap325 23
Wow talk about going all out haha Sorry that you're feeling that subconscious though!
kaybugg22 9
*self-conscious
chirstinap325 23
Yupp phone died before was able to edit lol thanks.
TheAprilWitch 22
Maybe subcounsciously she wants to be pregnant.
doubledee8 16
If your feeling bad about yourself, try going on a diet plan or workout plan if you can. If not, **** the haters do what you want
scyth3s 13
*You're
nonsensical 26
Just make sure you rest your hand over it to make it seem more authentic!
sturschaedel 27
Yeah, because all pregnant people rest their hand on their bellies all the time...
RichardPencil 32
You ought to go in for an ultrasound, just to mess with them. "What do you mean you can't find the baby? Look harder!"
Tripartita 45
Been there, done that. Choked when asked if there were any names I was thinking of, said "Elf Monster" in response. Confused a lot of people, yelled when they didn't believe me.
j11a01 16
Tried that once. Unfortunately doesn't work well if you're a guy.
sturschaedel 27
Tell them it's sympathy weight.
Belemnoidea 5
if your self conscious then why not do something about it?
Tripartita 45
*you're Where does it say she isn't doing something about her weight? Those in the process of reaching a goal would still be self conscious about /not being there yet/. Besides, her username is "bloated"; this might be an isolated incident.
Belemnoidea 5
well if she is spending her time complaining then she ain't doing a good job working on it
Tripartita 45
Taking two seconds type up an FML isn't going to get in the way of exercising, dieting, etc. I don't know why you assume you can either lose weight /or/ post an FML. How determined are you to insist a stranger isn't doing something you have no information about?
poprocker11221 10
Try a diet, maybe?
Tripartita 45
Where does it say she isn—whoa, déjà vu.
SaintJin 8
Omg same. I was a chubby 13 year old so I did that and acted pregnant. I later realized that Id rather be a teen pregnant person than fat and also that I'm a male ??
mini3monk3y 7
I feel the same rn. On meds that cause me to bloat. I'm sure you look beautiful though.