Issues

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML

TMI

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML

Creepy but funny

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "Recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

Today, my boyfriend came over to celebrate our anniversary. He had a card written in crayon with my name spelled wrong, and a basket I had seen his mother throw in the trash filled with flower petals ripped from my mom's garden. Our anniversary was 3 days ago. FML

Nice to know

Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML

Close to me

Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

Today, my parents had a long discussion on whether a cut on my arm looked like a vagina. FML

Curious

Today, my dad thought it appropriate to ask if my boyfriend, who was in the other room, was circumcised. FML

Recognize this?

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML