Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I noticed my crush of almost 3 years was talking to me a lot more at school. He seemed genuinely comfortable around me, even playing with my rings during class. I thought maybe I had a chance. Nope. A mutual friend just told me he likes another girl. A girl who coincidentally looks just like me but skinnier. FML
Today, I finally worked up the courage to start a Facebook chat with a guy I really like. It went so well, and he even agreed to hang out sometime. Seconds after we finished our conversation, he changed his status to, "Desperate bitches really piss me off." FML
Today, I found out that yet another of my guy friends liked me. I then posted on social media that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML
Today, my crush talked to me for the first time. He told me to stop staring. FML
Today, I told the guy I liked about my crush on him. He said he would keep me in mind if he ever hits rock bottom. FML
Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML
Today, I found out the reason my crush has been talking so openly to me. Not because she likes me back, but because she thinks I'm gay. FML
Today, my crush from high school finally agreed to go out with me. While on the seemingly good date, she offered me a discount to her OnlyFans page. FML
Today, my crush DM-ed my best friend, asking her to meet "without me knowing about it." We had been meeting occasionally for at least 8 years. In fact, a few days ago I'd told him that I was going to be in his town and he replied that he wouldn't be there that day. FML
Today, a guy who I was low-key crushing on asked me out. I excitedly told my best friend, as I do when I have big news. She informed me that the same guy asked her out 15 minutes ago. He'd originally been into her and only came to me because she rejected him. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Dr_Know 0
Should have been like 'Well 99% of the time when a girl is talking to a guy on FB it's because she feels sorry for him. This is part of that 99%'
W76 0
awesome line!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (100)
AngelRaven89 0
THE Kevin Nealon?? Tht guys awsome.. haha.. Doug and his banjo.. "Where theres fire - there is smoke! where theres fire - people like to toke! oh where theres fire - we can all get baked! And if we're lucky, maybe we'll get laid!" op that's really unfortunate for you, but at least he told you right off instead of finding out years later like these other FML's.. it could always be worse. He could have been way nastier.
tyralpha 0
Hey kids, get this, just because he said that he doesn't have a crush on her, that doesn't automatically make him an @$$hole. Perhaps he *wants* to be your friend and he just worded it in a really crappy way? I know something similar happened to me, we both agreed to be just friends, and then, a bit of a romance started (of course 18 days after it started a freak incident occured and I lost contact with her, so maybe my experience shouldn't be used as an example...). Be yourself, be his friend, you may be surprised what circumstances arise. (not a sex joke)
xixifwadi 0
Even of he was saying "let's just be friends". That was an asshole way to say it. No if ands or buts about it.
possesed0ne 0
im having sex right now :)
john_bell 0
Y did you feel the need to tell every1 here about your first and most likely made up time.
Gruffy 0
FAIL...**** doesnt count :P
yourkiddingright_fml 0
Now that you know you're "crush" is a complete asshole and self-absorbed piece of crap, you can move on with your life!
Gruffy 0
FAIL...just for having a crush on a total dick
USMC_Marine 0
To bad that's not true
canucksrule88 0
i doubt shes going to screw him, he just said he didnt like her...
idontgiveone 0
LOL i love the guy who picked this :) this is not a lame fml at all xD
Kevin_Nealon 0
I like myself too!
RPGod 0
YDI for using BS stats
fxdxhk90 0
Hate to break it to ya, but he probably wasn't far from accurate.