Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a mass message on WhatsApp from my extended family about my cousin’s engagement. Trying to be funny, I replied, “Wow, can’t wait to see how long this one lasts.” I thought I was sending it to my brother. Only my brother. I sent it to the whole family group. Including my cousin. And her fiancé. FML
Today, I received a friend request on Facebook. I didn't know her, but she was cute, so I accepted the request. After looking at her pictures, I sent her a message saying "What's up cutie, do I know you?". She responded "Yes, I'm your cousin". FML
Today, I woke up in a good mood, and I excitedly shared with my mom that I was in a "wonderful mood." Her response was to yell at me because she’s "had it with my fucking sarcasm." She refuses to believe I wasn’t being sarcastic. Day ruined. FML
Today, I got a text from a cousin thanking me for always being nice to her. Bear in mind that this “cousin” basically bullied me as a child, all while I looked up to her. She’s gone through a very rough time recently, so I thought she'd sent me someone else’s text by mistake and I told her so. She replied, “No.” FML
Today, I sent a group text round to my friends asking if they wanted to hang out sometime. One of my friends thought this was aimed directly at her and confessed her love for me. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML
Today, I sent a love letter I'd written meant for my crush to a friend so she could evaluate my prose before I actually sent it to him. For some reason, my emotions got the best of me, and I mistakenly CC'd my mom. She replied with three crying-with-laughter emojis. FML
Today, I sent a romantic, flirty text to my boyfriend. A few minutes later, I got a reply from… my mom, saying, “I don’t think this was meant for me, but thanks for making my day awkward.” FML
Today, I saw an adorable girl at the bar and I went to talk to her. I decided to use my cheesiest pick up line to make her laugh. After I said it, she knew who I was. It was my cousin I hadn't seen in 8 years. FML
Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him get through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML
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Top comments
saba_ajira 29
Oh damn... Time to explain some things OP
thisiswilli_fml 5
Sounds like you guys will have an awkward moment during Christmas parties this year.
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Comments (90)
VoodooPriestess 16
In my opinion sarcasm never translated well on paper...
Hazamachi 12
Technically cousins are far enough away in the gene pool for it not to be incest. In Victorian era and earlier people often married first cousins and they were fine, it's only really with mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, brothers and sisters that problems arise.
ASBriere 8
If she's a smoke show then go for it dude. Think of the thrill
cypherwars 15
this FML needs a author comment after Christmas family get together ! :D
slipknot6sic6 10
You should watch Arrested Development.
Dave_Davington 34
You know what they say, incest is wincest.
jannatanelle 5
Crazy royal traditions started before they figured that the more of the same bloodline you have the more likely you are to have birth defects and deformities. in a world with 7 billion people there is no reason to add to the chances of birth defects, even if its not gross in your culture it is immoral because we know that now.
ViviMage 40
Is she a first cousin? Then that's illegal in my country. But second cousins on are fair game!!
thecrazymancan 17
They say that on the inernet nobody can hear you being sarcastic, the same is true for texting.
Vlen_fml 20
i've been there OP, trust me it's not an avenue worth pursuing.