Today, my cat decided that instead of using the brand-new scratching post I bought him, he was going to use my pant leg while I was asleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my cat decided to use my keyboard as a scratching post, and now my computer won't work. FML
Today, my cat used his expensive new bed for the first time since he got it last month. He used it as a litter box. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
Today, my new anti-social cat started rubbing on my leg. I thought she must be warming up to me. Then, I looked at my leg and saw she smeared poo all over my work pants. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML
Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Buy your cat a mannequin wearing some pants to use instead? Actually; Scratch that. It would only end in tears.
Rainhawk94 27
Today the pant leg, tomorrow, the world
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Comments (45)
snugglesMcGee199 23
Wait, your username is tornkhakis. Who wears khakis as pajamas?
smokecloud_ 37
You've never fallen asleep on your couch or something in regular clothes?
snugglesMcGee199 23
I hadn't thought of the possibility that OP was napping. I saw the word 'asleep' and thought he meant asleep at night.
False_Stupidity 42
There's also the possibility that OP was not wearing the pants and the FML is about the fact that the evil cat shredded their pants instead of the scratching post.
abhi95 31
Or maybe draw a little jerry on it!
ihavenolifehaha 16
Try closing the door when you sleep.
chinaski7628 32
My cat will scratch and cry at the door if I did that. Maybe OP's cat does too?
ber4fun13 10
Did you wake up during the attack or was it a painful morning discovery?
smokecloud_ 37
Ah, cats. My cats would rather play with a balled up piece of paper than any of the toys I buy for them. Try sprinkling some catnip on it, or as someone else suggested, catnip spray. Or just accept the fact that you are its slave and, apparently, its scratching post.
PipingMouse 14
Sorry OP, you should know that cats like to do the opposite of what you tell them. They like to mess with your brain.
ileenefudge 29
Cats are not like dogs. They are not your best friend, and you are not the master. It's more like you are lucky to live another day in their presence and they own you. One wrong move and you will be on the hit list. We will never know what day they will be plotting the death of the human race so they can take over the world. Moral of the story: cats are evil vengeful little bastards who wish to see the end of the human race as we know it.
kinky44 28
33 people in one year? Thats a very small amount of people, and who says cats wouldnt kill people if they were bigger? Lets look at human deaths by lions and tigers, shall we?
Catahoulaqueen_fml 17
#26, I like how you say MURDERED like dogs have a moral compass. They're animals. Mistreat them, and you can expect to get hurt.
mynewcats 1
house cats and lions are NOT the same thing. Go back to school.
ileenefudge 29
#40 I was being facetious. At the same time I wasn't expecting anyone to laugh. People here need to lighten up. As for cats or dogs, I'm not a fan of either. Both have the pros and cons but I honestly would rather get a bunny rabbit. :)
DisturbedSRT8 17
This is why I would never own a cat. They get away with everything in society's eyes. Luckily my stepson is allergic to cats!
PurelyCanadian 18
At least he waited until you were asleep.
beaverteaser 16
cat scratch fever?
DanielleinDC 34
Better yet, use real catnip. And get the good stuff. Also try different types of scratching posts. My cat loves this corrugated cardboard "lounger"/scratcher. She'll also use a sisal rope scratcher. Your cat will want to stretch up or out to be able to scratch, so it should be tall enough for him to really get a good scratch going. There's also the Bergan Turbo scratch toy that has a pad of corrugated cardboard in the middle and a ball on an outer ring for your cat to bat at (my cat likes to rest on that).