Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML
Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML
Today, my brother was going to get some drinks for a party we were going to. After getting the drinks, he ended up leaving me at home while he went and got drunk like never before. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML
Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML
Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML
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Top comments
Ultimate_No 7
However, you're a hero and may have saved his and other people's lives.
jonnied23 20
Cleaning up puke is much easier than cleaning up an automobile accident
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Comments (55)
olpally 33
Just be glad all he did was puke and not endanger others on the road. Good job op.
Jemm_fml 29
Good on you. Oh well, better his drunken shenanigans at your home, and have him alive. At least you're a great friend.
BlackBlazeCobra 16
Well, better than him being in a terrible accident right?
fuckedPriceless 17
The best gift is a welcoming home!
Vearix 6
Hope you kicked him out of your bed at least.
Glitter_taco_ 10
He was drunk, good luck with getting him to think.
oNisao 21
Least he didn't make a mess that can't be cleaned up such as killing someone on the road.
Erery 16
Something doing the right thing can cost you.
buckdharma 38
He's a cold- hearted snake Look into his eyes Oh ohh He's been eatin pie
SuzeDee 9
No good deed goes unpunished!