Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my kitchen is trying to kill me. So far, I've hit my head three times on cupboards that opened themselves, cut open my hand on the microwave door when it slammed shut, and burned my cheek with the "heat-proof" oven mitt when I pushed the hair off my face. FML
Today, I cut my finger trying to open a door. Yes, I am just as confused as you are. FML
Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML
Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML
Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML
Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, my son tripped into a door and slammed it shut. I'd been holding onto the door frame, leaning around to talk to a neighbour, so of course it slammed my fingers. It must be a really sharp door, because I just woke from the surgery to reattach my three amputated fingers. FML
Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Roll yourself in bubble wrap and wait for the Universe to find another hapless victim. It's the only thing left to do.
umerin 32
Just one of those days, eh?
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Comments (117)
stupidface15 16
one time my brain got messed up like that and i died so be careful
cakefete2 31
Oh no the zombies have hi-speed internet connections!
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
how come you can post this, if you're dead?
Noelletakumi 36
If there's no follow up I shall assume that he may be dead
hdecorah 7
Or you're just clumsy as ****?
JuzReading 23
OP does sound like he has a case of being accident-prone.
awkward_welcomes 8
For me that's what every Monday feels like.
jsp16 24
We need a follow up.....if you're still alive.
worldclassrager 41
Well are you? Follow up please!
DylanHasClass 17
Wear a helmet. Good luck comrade
JD1147 27
Do you have Funniest Home Videos in your country?
haddiej 21
We must be related!
fsomelife 26
When days like this come, slowly, carefully, without touchcing anything go back to bed and stay there.
wvni 13
But how can you not touch anything and get in bed? What if the blankets suffocate you? Oh the horrors of the bed
fsomelife 26
No no no. Blankets -- good. Everything else -- baaaad.