Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me that he becomes a boring version of himself whenever we are together. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML
Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML
Today, I was supposed to see my boyfriend for his birthday. He said his parents were coming down and it may not be a good time for us to really enjoy each other. Last night I saw a picture of him feeding popcorn to baby llamas with his drunk stoner friends. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML
Today, I caught my best friend in bed with my current boyfriend. Apparently watching movies naked is "the new in thing". FML
Today, I went to a wedding with my boyfriend. He became moonstruck with one my friends and said she looked sexy in her dress. The whole night, I was nonexistent to him. He’s now confused as to why I’m giving him the silent treatment. He literally has no clue. FML
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
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Top comments
Awesomeelliot 11
Still a better love story than Twil....oh wait
theninja1800 11
Twilight is such a terrible movie. Truly. FYL OP for having to endure that in real life.
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Comments (169)
sucku 1
Is your boyfriend 12?
freshberries22 17
Well are you deprived of emotion and expression because if so then I think your boyfriend and his friend have the right idea and are on the cusp of an intervention.
poemqueen 15
Just because the actress that portrayed Bella doesn't show emotion, doesn't mean in the book she is portrayed that way.
jem970 19
Seriously. The books are very entertaining, the movies less so.
Icestorm875 9
So. . . Is this strictly what Stephenie Meyer wrote, or is it based on a Jacob x Edward romance fanfiction?
taka805 10
I would say it's ok depending on their age but...... Naaaa that's just not cool at any age...
DocBastard 40
Stab him in the heart with a stake and shoot his friend with a silver bullet. Not because they're a vampire and a werewolf, but because they're idiots.
ravenevercross 19
Great idea
SPRKY 6
I second that idea! Before you know it, he'll be stalking you and watching you sleep. Even worst, he'll be whispering those cheesy lines into your ear. Got glitter? Ew.
laya_fml 26
Remind your boyfriend that Bella has a thing for Jacob, and say if he wants to act like he's in the movie, you will too. See if he still wants to invite his topless friend over after that.
jogihoppa8343 23
oh you gotta to be kiddin her. why on earth a guy would want his girlfriend to go around with some other shirtless guy. he would definitely suck even the last drop of blood out of her.
ICastillo 25
So does that make you the emotionless, always same constipated look on your face girl??
etchsanity1 11
So does his friend have a thing for little girls like the real Jacob lol
MissNicky177 6
Bella was older than jacob
_1296 10
Reneesme wasn't.
Silent_Thrill 17
Am I the only one hoping the the shirtless friend is 400lbs?
perdix 31
Maybe you ought to act like a tree and leaf. Or act like a baby and head on out. Or act like a preacher and get the hell out of there. Must I go on?
doubledee93 6
Please do..
perdix 31
Make like a banana and split. Make like horseshit and hit the trail. Make like a bread truck and haul buns outta here. OK?
CaptainSaveAHoe 11
make like ******* and bounce?
kriz_allizwell 6
Make like a sweatshirt and zip.