Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
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Top comments
Harpy20 24
"I was born in darkness..."
JustKittyKat 24
Why haven't you closed your legs yet? I feel as if this implies that OP is laying there with her legs open as her boyfriend plays bane with her ****** mask.
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Comments (135)
Harpy20 24
"I was born in darkness..."
jipster 11
Bane is talking to the batcave!
doctorhook86 25
You might even say the OP's boyfriend is the Bane of orgasms...
jackiemora 18
When I read this comment first thing I think of is the darkness of the black hole we call a ******, lol
clueless05 12
"We will destroy Gotham, then when it is done and Gotham is ashes, then you have my permission to die"...I mean ******
shakadoo 10
You merely adopted the darkenss... I was born in it... Molded by it...
JustKittyKat 24
Why haven't you closed your legs yet? I feel as if this implies that OP is laying there with her legs open as her boyfriend plays bane with her ****** mask.
Bacontree 14
While posting an FML, to top it all off.
pmadNess 16
Nah, not necessarily. I've been with guys that have playfully spoken to my body parts when not having sex.
RedPillSucks 33
*taps ********* Is this thing on??
dead_insects 18
#74... if you tap it just right it will be!! ^_^
BlackBlazeCobra 16
Next time you're giving him head, do the same thing with a different character.
JustKittyKat 24
Bob Barker! Bob Barker!
Enslaved 38
"Cum on down?"
amDes 11
I think OP should to the stage 5 clinger chick from wedding crashers. In the creepy voice "If you leave I'll find you!"
error404n0tf0und 21
or maybe iglle piggel
murkinstock 5
"I'm not just going to ask for your penis... but I'm going to ask for your soooouuul" -badlipreading on youtube
laurenasabutton 26
Well, as long as your vj doesn't respond in the Christian Bale Batman voice then I wouldn't be too worried
etishuman22 32
"Just a little to the left. Yeah...right there. Faster! Ooh yeah baby. That's it right there..." All in Christian Bale's Batman voice.
Idancechick 4
When Gotham is in ashes.... Then you will have my permission to cum
MrConcise 35
The superhero movie trend needs to be put to rest. Then we'd have to campaign against shitty horror films.
JenkJenks 6
You watch your mouth!
MrConcise 35
I realize it's an unpopular opinion. However, there's just way too many of these half-assed superhero movies. They're popular because of the iconic characters and decent production values, but it must be difficult to take a household name and screw up with the amount of resources these films are allotted. They're entertaining (on some level, I'm sure), but at what cost?
gracehi 33
I kind of agree, 28. Hardly anything original is coming out of Hollywood these days.
MrConcise 35
@32 I agree and disagree. Not everything should have to innovate a genre of movie, but the film industry is oversaturated with these garbage template movies. They know they can get away with it, too. Why play risky when you can milk guaranteed cash cows?
doctorhook86 25
I'll agree that there should be fewer shitty movies, but are you trying to say that The Dark Knight Rises wasn't good? Because I don't even like Batman and I thought that movie was ******* awesome.
WrongRomance 11
The superhero fad is a bit annoying, I agree. Batman this, Batman that. It's so unoriginal, and being overused.
MrConcise 35
While not my cup of tea, I'll concede that it was well above the average hero flick. The trend of mass producing superhero movies got worse when Hollywood saw the success of The Dark Knight and Iron Man. I don't personally like either of these movies, but they deserved the money they made. Everything following (excluding The Dark Knight Rises) has been subpar and an obvious attempt to ride the wave of success.
gc327072 31
If you're trying to compare the Christopher Nolan Batman films with, say, Michael Bay movies, that's a bad comparison and you should feel bad.
doctorhook86 25
#81: No. The Avengers was a huge precedent for films; it's the first time several franchises have shared a crossover film that didn't blow. This only worked out because the franchises it combined weren't truly separate--they were deliberately set in the same "cinematic universe" in such a way that a successful crossover would be possible (i.e.: they planned to make an Avengers film from the start). I think that instead of blaming superhero movies for being shitty, you should just realize that you don't like superheroes.
MrConcise 35
It would be more accurate to just say I'm overly critical of movies or dislike trends that create an influx of average films. One of my favorite childhood shows was Justice League and I used to learn about comics through one of my friends who was really into them. But hey, I admit to speaking outside of my realm of knowledge. I'm sticking to my opinion, but on an objective level (reviews, awards, gross income), I was more wrong than right. Cheers!
KareBear7364 5
Until he stops, no more ********! That should work.
Enslaved 38
Or until he finishes! :P
johnnyboy7 5
You don't need bjs when you have the mask!
Enslaved 38
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Next time, try to get him to sing Crazy Town's- "Butterfly" to your ******. Might be smart to add it to your playlist and then he can hum the lyrics too.:P
zahra_786 19
I keep imagining OP's boyfriend as someone from the Big Bang Theory. Howard, perhaps.
error404n0tf0und 21
made me chuckle
DocBastard 40
You should tell him that if he likes oral sex games, he can be Bane, but that makes you Catwoman. And cats bite...