Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
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Top comments
Harpy20 24
"I was born in darkness..."
JustKittyKat 24
Why haven't you closed your legs yet? I feel as if this implies that OP is laying there with her legs open as her boyfriend plays bane with her ****** mask.
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Comments (135)
AlexiAwesome 10
But Batman's cool.... Right? So, I don't really see the issue here...
jujuroxursox 15
FYL indeed OP
MDTeddy 13
I like the movie, but that is going to far. Op can never have an ****** with this guy. Maybe she should find another. I mean if this happens all the time then either say something about it or leave the guy.
MrConcise 35
I feel you, #22. I'm terrified of what happens if I decide to just stop.
emin3nce 6
Time for a new man
Obey_StudBoii 23
I'm assuming that you posted this while you were still having sex lol. Multitasking
jeepers_1 21
next time you give him a bj use his penis as a mic and sing a kelly clarkson song into it
KiddNYC1O 22
Experience?
jeepers_1 21
haha no i just think it would be amusing to see the look on his face...
Pstraka6 20
You're kidding, that didn't heighten the mood?! A good man always finishes the job first and saves the commentary for later. Sometimes us men learn that the hard way though...
disney_blonde 16
"...for 30 minutes now." So...does that mean you posted this FML while this was still in progress?
simoncat 11
You said he has been talking in a Bane voice for 30 minutes now? You're writing FMLs while your BF has his face in your pussy? FYL indeed.