Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML
Today, I made my boyfriend a vanilla cake for our anniversary. We sat down to eat it and one bite in, my boyfriend gets a weird look on his face. I take a bite and notice that it tastes like corn. I found out later my dad had replaced all the flour with cornmeal without telling anyone. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML
Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend meeting all of his friends for the first time. My boyfriend went into the kitchen to get me a drink, and after ten minutes I went looking for him. I discovered his friend holding two melons to his chest, mid explanation on how they look exactly like mine. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML
Today, I looked at the supplements my boyfriend puts in the protein shakes we both drink. To my horror, most of them listed "boosts libido" or "increased fertility" as benefits. When I confronted him, he said ,"So? I drink them too, it's not like I'm drugging you or something." FML
Today, my boyfriend was laying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passion in his eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me that he loved me. Instead, he said, "You have a booger." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
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Top comments
NeoMatrix25 12
Girls milkshakes may bring all the boys to the yard, but his milkshake will bring her nausea and nightmares
3051628 24
That's completely filthy and uncalled for, I'm sorry you were tricked into all of that. Hopefully you can have a discussion with him and make sure something like that doesn't happen again OP.
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Comments (183)
patrickalamo 48
Can you assault
Fas4wd 13
Why? Why was it his pubes?
prettygurl89 16
Well, time to kill a bitch
Onyx3288 22
You need to dump him. Not "you should" but "you need to." He sounds disturbed. If this is his sense of humor than you really shouldn't get to know the rest of him, which might include you never being seen again. I know it sounds over the top, but if he locks you in his trunk, would you really be able to say you never saw it coming? Considering the pubes milkshake...
BananaButt42 9
It sounds like he wants to brake up but doesn't want to be the one to say it so he is trying to make you brake up with him.
Garnetshaddow 30
DTMFA! That's not a joke, that's just cruel.
willyjac 17
I know this is gross and just plain wrong... But its's damn funny
fantasyworld 39
What is wrong with him?
Jaevwyn 17
And he is your boyfriend why? Have some standards OP
brendejafulable 41
I dont understand how you didnt feel wirery hair going through your mouth and throat. Just disgusting.