Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I went on a date with a really cute guy. Things were going great, so we went to his place. While he was in the bathroom, I absentmindedly looked around his apartment. Unfortunately, his living room cupboard was half open, and I saw a shrine of pictures of me. Apparently, he's been stalking me for months. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
Today, I found a notebook labeled "IMPORTANT INFO" in my boyfriend's nightstand. Looking in, I saw he'd written down a bunch of information about me, like my birthday and things I like. When I asked, he said, "I'm forgetful and didn't want to accidentally be a dick." FML
Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by bringing him some dinner. He made the same noise unwrapping the burger that he does when he sees me naked. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. FML
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Top comments
ThePsyche 9
You should put a carton of penis enlargement pills under his bed and when you "find them" look him in the eye and say, "well that explains a lot".
SortOfSexy 4
Your boyfriend sounds like a dick.
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Comments (45)
jvercetti 5
You people take this stuff wayy to seriously.. At the end of the day.. Go ahead, thumb me down, I won't see it on my BB anyway, nor will I be back to check. Get along people, stop trying to be the "most perfect" one on fml.
bepatientimadoc 6
Am I the only one thinking that it also explains how long its been since she cleaned under the bed? ahhahahahahahahah Indeed, jumping to conclusions, maybe he didnt´mean it the way it sounden. More than half of the time the things ppl say are misinterpretated by the ppl who hear them. Make sure you know what someone means before getting angry, then if there is reason to I quote: Don´t get angry, get EVEN whuahahahahah
brownie407 2
You broke up with him...right?
penguinazul 13
I love how everyone automatically assumes that OP is fat or that bf is implying that she is. There is nothing here that suggests he's implying that. She might be messy; how are we to know unless she elaborates more?
randybryant799 21
Wait. Is he calling you fat!! That's unacceptable.