Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I went on a date with a really cute guy. Things were going great, so we went to his place. While he was in the bathroom, I absentmindedly looked around his apartment. Unfortunately, his living room cupboard was half open, and I saw a shrine of pictures of me. Apparently, he's been stalking me for months. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
Today, I found a notebook labeled "IMPORTANT INFO" in my boyfriend's nightstand. Looking in, I saw he'd written down a bunch of information about me, like my birthday and things I like. When I asked, he said, "I'm forgetful and didn't want to accidentally be a dick." FML
Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by bringing him some dinner. He made the same noise unwrapping the burger that he does when he sees me naked. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. FML
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Top comments
ThePsyche 9
You should put a carton of penis enlargement pills under his bed and when you "find them" look him in the eye and say, "well that explains a lot".
SortOfSexy 4
Your boyfriend sounds like a dick.
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Comments (45)
theluckyones 10
Ok 1. don't assume your bf is telling you you've gained some weight. it can mean many things. Seriously girls Over think this too much. 2.Just be honest with yourself. Are you gaining weight? And if you're aware of that and not doing Anything about it then you must feel comfortable with yourself. And if your aware than their really is no problem here, your bf is still with you(:
inaphansoa 9
I think OP was trying to draw attention to the fact that her boyfriend made a douchey comment regardless of whether or not OP gained weight.
theluckyones 10
25. Op boyfriend said 'well that explains a lot'. That can mean a lot of things. Like, maybe they don't go out to eat together anymore and he finds out she eats take out alone. He didn't say 'daammn girl no wonder I'm not attracted to you anymore, your fat!' .. That Wasn't the case.
loserman67 36
Should have looked him straight in the eye and said, "Yep, the delivery boy has a huge **** and he knows how to deliver." Your boyfriend sounds like a prick and should be treated as such.
DingoCJ 15
And people wonder why delivery boys keep getting assaulted for less than 50 bucks.. It's all starting to come together now.
thatonename 7
You ruined it man. Should have ended with "Well, that explains a lot".
loserman67 36
Watch any B grade **** and there is usually a delivery boy or milkman or mailman that gets "seduced" by the horney housewife, bored teenage girl, etc.. that sports a seriously huge shlong. Ummm, not that I watch a lot of **** or anything (looks at ceiling and adjusts collar).
evilplatypus 39
63 - The B grade **** I see all take place in men's prisons. You need to get a better **** search engine if the old school delivery scenarios are all you're finding...
Posthuman 26
It doesn't matter if the delivery boy is a tripod if the girl calling is fat, naked, and covered in body acne. Everywhere.
Kaatosade 9
...that wasn't exceedingly rude or anything.
wolfhausen 7
If she has gained enough, where it's a noticeable difference, I really don't think her boyfriend is a prick or ass. Definitely don't dump him like many are saying. Confront him about how your weight is a sensitive subject, and how the manner in which he brought it up slightly offended you. then confront yourself.
rand_bomb 2
not to be mean, but a quick search of "south africa obesity" in google yields the headlines "South Africans among world's fattest people, survey finds" and "Most obese South Africans in denial" in the top 5. Upon reading the articles, there is a good chance that you are overweight and in denial. I do think your bf could have been more subtle if that was the case though.
toelie 26
Seriously? You needed to read two articles to realise there's a good chance OP's too heavy and in denial?
rand_bomb 2
yes because my reading material tends to include more than the variety prepackaged in plastic usually including crude wax drawing instruments or the kind printed on the back of various breakfast food containers. I had the time to inform myself and alleviate my ignorance and make an informed estimation unlike yourself.
CharresBarkrey 16
53 - you speak like you're using a thesaurus on every other word.
Posthuman 26
53, knowing big words and having a "better than you" attitude only makes you one kind of genius: a smart ass. Now go back to your "reading material" like a good boy
olpally 33
Just say this right back to him "well, looks like you won't be getting sex anytime soon, jerk."
olpally 33
Why not? The bf seems like an ass... There for, he shouldn't get any ass... She should stand up for herself...
Janice_Ian 13
That would imply that when he does something good, he does "get sex"... which is a degrading reward system for his partner to take part in. A person's sexual activity should be a matter of whether they desire sex, not whether their partner has behaved well enough to deserve it. Regardless of the ethics of such a scheme - using sex as a bargaining tool sucks the fun right out of it.
perdix 31
Good thing he didn't find the body of the delivery boy who refused sex as payment for the massive amount of junk food you scammed him into bringing over. You've got to be more careful with the evidence.
perdix 31
Maybe you ought to cut back on the Spur Burgers and biltong, meisie!
ICastillo 25
Or maybe Op has been real gassy lately
I3eefChowFun 7
Girls are great in any shape and size. don't feel bad.
MikeFoxtrot01594 11
Thanks for devaluing the word "great."
Posthuman 26
*tries picturing morbidly obese and/or deathly anorexic chicks as "great" yeah it's just not working for me, but whatever floats (or sinks) your boat