Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I went on a date with a really cute guy. Things were going great, so we went to his place. While he was in the bathroom, I absentmindedly looked around his apartment. Unfortunately, his living room cupboard was half open, and I saw a shrine of pictures of me. Apparently, he's been stalking me for months. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
Today, I found a notebook labeled "IMPORTANT INFO" in my boyfriend's nightstand. Looking in, I saw he'd written down a bunch of information about me, like my birthday and things I like. When I asked, he said, "I'm forgetful and didn't want to accidentally be a dick." FML
Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by bringing him some dinner. He made the same noise unwrapping the burger that he does when he sees me naked. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. FML
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Top comments
ThePsyche 9
You should put a carton of penis enlargement pills under his bed and when you "find them" look him in the eye and say, "well that explains a lot".
SortOfSexy 4
Your boyfriend sounds like a dick.
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Comments (45)
ashbash0338 7
YDI for not cleaning under your bed
RpiesSPIES 27
It doesn't have to mean he thinks you're fat. Maybe your breath smells weird. Don't jump to conclusions :P
breathemein 10
Did he find any food wrappers too?
bladedrose 3
Has anyone considered he simply meant, that's why there's always take out containers at her house? Or why she always has take out waiting for him when she invites him over for dinner?
CrookedCook 14
she said the menu was under her bed for months. that's her hint of saying, "I haven't had take-out for months."
1kiki81 6
What's that supposed to mean?!
Batterypost 23
That OP has gotten fat.
krewer21 1
Wow, what an insensitive asshole. Drop him, find inner peace, resolve the pain, move on because you deserve it!
dodzin 9
Gotta clean your room sometimes
bwzwally8 15
Your boyfriend sounds like a real Mcasshole.
radioactivespydr 1
what was he doing under your bed in the first place
LexieWins 0
I think that's a great place to put a menu. Then you can just order food after sex or before watching a movie in bed. How convenient. Why is you bf not that creative? .