Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML
Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. While I was at their house I got a tummy ache, then had loud explosive diarrhea. Twice. They definitely heard it all. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML
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Top comments
Harshdfml 14
Next time you go to his mother's, tell her how much you love to make kale chips.
swampbaby985 30
Why would he even feel the need to share that?
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Comments (43)
BlackPhenom 9
Hey, you gotta break the ice somehow.
iamnikkinicole 3
Haha. Hilarious
MrsAlexander83 10
I could see this topic being talked about if your mom was serving kale chips at this brunch. So...we're y'all eat kale chips? :)
Szaszaspasz 26
He's comfortable with the family and he doesn't have any possible mother-in-law issues.
roadie42 21
I was almost about to go buy a bag and try them too...guess I should rethink that plan, huh.
ashleyylove3 22
Well hey at least he feels comfortable around your family