Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML
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Top comments
HentaiBunny 4
You should have replied with 'Did you want to enter the fiery pits of mordor?' And then spread em ;D
rawr_dani 0
o_____o
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Comments (229)
Iknoweverything 29
DEAR MEN: Please inform women when you intend to act out any fantasies you have, whether it be normal or weird. We would appreciate knowing what to expect so that we can tell you "no way in hell." Sincerely, womankind (specifically those of us who get creeped out easily)
FLCL4711Fox 0
DEAR WOMEN: sammich plz?
allmidnighteyes 11
Oh, because women don't have fantasies in the bedroom. Shut up.
aardvarkish 17
It doesn't sound like a fantasy. It sounds hilarious.
carpediemryders 0
why should we tell you, you guys always expect us to be able to read your minds, now it's your turn to read ours and just know...lol
clothesoptional 0
Your comment is hilarious! Haha love it*
chloec16 0
^ bluest eyes in da world :) they are lubly.
xThatAsianGurlx 0
I'm guessing he's into roleplaying ;] Lord of the Rings is pretty bad ass.
oliver86 8
hopefully your not hairy like a hobbit
CanadianMuse 0
^this.
maskedman 9
Well, did you let him become the lord of your ring? Why do I ask questions like this?
mountneer 0
I heard about that "LOTR: the vibrating ring".
iVereor 0
epic. he's a keeper. it might if you are nervous or something lol. my precious XD
honeybee366 0
yeah, really beautiful eyes. ;)
CheshireKattt 0
say you want to blow his Horn Of Gondor
Deitsu 1
^WIN
yanna227 0
wth?! lol would have been my sign to keep my V card