Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML
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Top comments
HentaiBunny 4
You should have replied with 'Did you want to enter the fiery pits of mordor?' And then spread em ;D
rawr_dani 0
o_____o
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Comments (229)
docscientist 10
That's hilarious, too bad you don't share his sense of humor
slimjim8094 12
I'm usually the guy saying that about other girlfriends with no sense of humor, but it's pretty out of place for him during their first time If he were trying to keep it fresh after a while, it'd be different
KVloveBC 0
WTF?! did It turn u on tho?
like_its_ya_bday 0
lmao that would have been kinda funni for me not an fml
541MedfazWcM 0
lmao
syedlink27 0
your bf is a national hero. he wins
derangedplanet 23
He's more than that! I personally love humor in the bedroom and that would have me laughing my ass off. I would definitly not be mad about this. everybody else is way too serious in bed if they don't find this funny.
allmidnighteyes 11
Were you two LARPing?
kiwi00 0
haha...awesome.
itssambitch 0
LOTR are my favorite movies and even I find this creepy as hell. Throw yourself in the fire of Mount Doom! Or just freaking run out the door!
EightInchNails 9
Next thing you know, he'll be throwing your ass into Mount Doom...
SARSvirus79 0
^ Win.
eftup 9
yes!
CoachLlama 5
Not what I imagine when I think about romance. To each his own.
sweetcheeksjvl 0
Weird....But funny lol.