Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with both of my hands. He told me, "Your hands are nice and smooth like my grandmother's." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML
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Top comments
Katthebamf 29
Would you appreciate it if he called you mum/mom/momma (whichever) during sex?
tzemmy 25
why do people like calling their boyfriend "daddy"? doesn't it make you think of your dad?
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Comments (84)
LadyNightowl 17
Nice stereotyping, idiot. YDI.
LowExpectations 30
You totally deserve that. Being hispanic myself, if my fiancee ever said that to me, my penis would just pack up its balls and leave. Never go with a stereotype.
teentee401 37
YDI for thinking he would want to hear that just cause he's Latino.
marring 19
Two words: ignorant racist
Dallyni 22
You totally deserve it for making assumptions
OMG_132 9
Yea, save exotic sex for the SECOND time.
vikky538 29
time to try it again...this time no "papi"
FutueMeamVitam 24
Definitely not to be confused with "this time, 'no, papi!'"
EvilLittleMan 23
I love reading stuff like this. Whatever you do next, don't say.. Yo Quiero Taco Bell. He may think you have a *********** fetish.
captainsmegma 12
Your Latin lover is the idiot. Who loses a boner during sex. I'll bet not is papi.
limabeans101029 21
If you hear something that completely turns you off, going soft isn't a surprising response.
kristen5286 12
should have just been yourself