Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss told me to fire the unstable, former military, gun nut employee. He's been making death threats to his supervisors. FML
Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML
Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML
Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML
Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML
Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
Today, I overheard my boss talking about me on the phone. Turns out he was drunk off his ass when he gave the go-ahead to hire me, and he's now searching for any excuse to legally fire me. FML
Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML
Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML
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Top comments
HandaPitler 1
Write him a note and sign it with your bosses name
ShannyAK 16
I get why your boss wants you to fire him, but that's not fair
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Comments (68)
perdix 31
Sounds like a job for Tanya. She's more of a bad-ass than any pumped-up 'roid rage dude. Aren't you glad to have replied to her e-mail? She's paying off dividends already!
Shmatterhorn 38
OP, it might help if you ask the Flying Spaghetti Monster for help instead of Cthulhu. At least the FSM can use his Noodly Appendage to distract the dude while you can escape.
noelasis94 18
Roids are bAd ummkay children
VampTat 10
Just because a guy is big and looks like he can kick your ass doesn't mean that he will... For all you know, he could be a real nice guy and it will suck for you to have to be the one to break the bad news to him. I hope all goes well.
KayleeT 9
Why did he hire him? If he's the manager, it's his responsibility to fire people anyways. It's unfair dumping this all on you.
lexieB2014 19
He might not beat you up ,you can't always base people off of their looks
JaneChemi_fml 21
op said jail was like a bed and breakfast to the guy...
AuraX 7
Yeah I would definitely be taking that into consideration!
beej821410 6
But he could very well have been in jail for a non violent offense. I don't think it's cool that OP has made an assumption about the guy because he works out and "likely abuses steroids". OPs assumptions make me want to hit him!
Barbelo 3
UmNbjkklbpbmpmj-09
BrandiLush 31
Sweeten the deal with ramen noodle soups, those are considered cash in prison!
incendiaaa 23
one of the best usernames.
2035 9
Just bring him some protein powder as severance