Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my four year-old very loudly asked me if the little person she saw at the shops was like that because he didn't eat his vegetables. He definitely heard. FML
Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML
Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML
Today, I carefully wrapped my nephew's birthday present so it would look perfect. He thanked me, pushed it aside, and spent the next two hours pretending the empty cardboard box was a spaceship. FML
Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML
Today, my toddler learned the phrase “Shut up.” He now loudly says it to anyone who speaks to him, including our elderly neighbor, whose only crime was complimenting him on his shoes. FML
Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML
Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML
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Top comments
sharsharbinks 0
I love this one! I laughed so hard!
killer_corn 0
I don't take crap from kids. I would of destroyed the Green ones.
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Comments (556)
Zvezdomir 0
This is the funniest FML i have ever read
Dropdepuck 0
freaking awesome. Best on here!!!
bigweber77 0
slap that kid
Dirrtyrice 0
Haha had to add this to my favorite list
Bull_fml 0
******* Hilarious. I laughed out loud for 5 minutes. Got a 5 yr old of my own.
SickOrSane 0
I lol'd so ******* hard at this shit. Kid's my hero.
frisbee37 0
hahahah. i pissed my pants after this one. too much south park for this child
SecularHumanist 1
ZING!
fail_scorekeeper 0
fail=26% maybe little kids are out to get you!?!?!?
Dr_Evil_Genius 0
@118 and everyone else that found this funny: This is a FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD we are talking about with horrible manners. People love egging kids on with stuff like this. Applaud him when he does something bad. What if he is the one mugging you or snatching your purse 10 or 15 years from now? I am sure THAT would be funny too. Find something positive to laugh at or a positive ADULT to be your "hero".