Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my four year-old very loudly asked me if the little person she saw at the shops was like that because he didn't eat his vegetables. He definitely heard. FML
Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML
Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML
Today, I carefully wrapped my nephew's birthday present so it would look perfect. He thanked me, pushed it aside, and spent the next two hours pretending the empty cardboard box was a spaceship. FML
Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML
Today, my toddler learned the phrase “Shut up.” He now loudly says it to anyone who speaks to him, including our elderly neighbor, whose only crime was complimenting him on his shoes. FML
Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML
Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML
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Top comments
sharsharbinks 0
I love this one! I laughed so hard!
killer_corn 0
I don't take crap from kids. I would of destroyed the Green ones.
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Comments (556)
exciting_fml 0
...WOW. hilarious.
Onlyme_fml 0
Hilarous. That would be followed up with a real good spanking.
arms_akimbo 0
HAHA! Greatest 5 yr old in existence.
gabby99spice 0
SO FUNNY!
forkmylife9 0
That's when you look him straight in the eyes and say "Well you're adopted and your parents don't even love you"
notime2wait 0
Aha that would be hilarious! =)
kiss_of_death 0
i remember when i used to do that lol
KarismaSolitair 11
I used to tell my little sister she was adopted. My mom would reply to me saying, "You came with a tail when we adopted you."
captcool024 0
haha.. thats too funny
crazycar 0
you're so nice. my son tries that stuff and gets punched in the chest or the head. lucky for him i wasnt there.
kykyshay 0
I have the same glasses I got at John incredibles! nice glasses! :)
yayme 0
HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna by that kid a beer haha thats fckn awsome!!!!!!
cmbrunelle 0
That was RIDICULOUSLY funny!
alwaysalady 0
Kids have BIG ears. He probably doesn't know what it means, but you should still explain that it's a very bad thing to say, and that you're writing a letter to Santa about the incident.