Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the bathroom after my 9 year-old nephew. Apparently nobody taught him to lift the seat when he pees, or how to aim properly, because when I sat down, I sat in his pee. FML
Today, I was potty-training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML
Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML
Today, I was babysitting my 5 month-old nephew, who hasn't pooped in two days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolled over and peed on my new carpet. I rolled him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML
Today, I was babysitting my 8-year-old niece. I left her for 10 minutes so I could take a shower, only to walk in on her with her dress rolled up, peeing on the floor. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
Today, I was ringing a lady up at the register. I noticed her son was doing the peepee dance, so I rushed the payment process up and handed her the receipt. The little boy said "Mommy" and the mom looked down, then back up at me saying, "Your problem now" and walked out. The boy had pissed on the floor. FML
Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML
Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML
Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML
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Top comments
MistySky 17
I guess pissy natures run in her side of the family. :(
kiskraze 7
& that's when you can tell his mother to not come back until he is trained and learns some manners !
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Comments (88)
MistySky 17
I guess pissy natures run in her side of the family. :(
Medd_fml 13
And then you find out that the mom is OP's sister and everything is awkward.
JennaNGood 21
Clearly she's just a bitch. I babysit young boys all the time - all under the age of four, and they all have *perfect* aim
groovycrazyjoe 18
just like the delivery man in the other fml look you in the eye like a boss sorry dude fyl
kiskraze 7
& that's when you can tell his mother to not come back until he is trained and learns some manners !
SMHsohard 22
This kid has already figured out that mommy will always have his back and he'll be able to get away with anything. If the world is lucky, he'll grow up to be a human being in spite of dear old mom. If not, we'll see him on the news in about 15 years.
lilhellian 27
15? Bit optimistic there. I say 6-10 years.
perdix 31
#2, he did make eye contact with his aunt, so that's a start. The whipping out his penis part will have to be beaten out of him, though.
poorsouls27 7
Lol I could care less if my 5 year old nephew pulled his penis out... Peeing on the other hand well that's another story....
Zebediabolical 45
I blame Disney. They train kids to think that rugs will fly and teapots will sing!
lilhellian 27
Kiss a girl while she's sleeping, she will marry you.
Zebediabolical 45
I tried that one too. Fortunately I managed to get back out the window before she woke up enough to identify me.
lilhellian 27
it worked for me, then I woke up.
michaelm1290 23
Marking his territory..
erockinthesuburb 17
That rug really tied the room together, did it not?
yoursucklives 36
thumbs up for the great reference ;)
Omfgitsmia 15
Forget the aim. He wasn't even in the bathroom it seems.
Pleonasm 36
Hey, you said you wanted a traditional rug. Way back when, they didn't have toilets. They used to just piss on their rug and give it that unique texture and gentle aroma.
Welshite 40
Now, Pleo, you don't have to make excuses for your fetishes.
jramirez16 9
Pleonasm, you don't know me but I'm on fml almost every day n I hadn't seen you lately. Even though this comment was not very good, I think you're very intelligent n I like reading your stuff even when I don't understand it. Lol
jramirez16 9
Hahaha that's what I get for kissing ass >.
gamegeek42 6
Lmao kids do the darnest things! I remember when I used to piss on everything
freshko21 6
I remember when RKelly used to piss on everything
sulitak 27
then you were an inconsiderate jerk
RenosShark 8
I guess you have a right to be pissed about it
tswizz 13
You don't say?
RenosShark 8
But I do ~~^~~
SynysterNero 20
That's when you kick her ass out of your house and don't let them come back.