Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year-old son pointed at a lady and exclaimed, “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML
Today, was parent appreciation day at my daughter's KG class. On the stage, each child was asked to define each parent in one word. When it was my daughter's turn, she looked at me hard, thinking. Finally, in the end she said, "My daddy is very fat." Everybody stared. FML
Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML
Today, my son was looking through old photos and showed me a picture of myself and asked who it was. When I told him it was me, he responded by saying "But mommy, the lady in the picture is not fat!" FML
Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML
Today, my 7 year-old looked at me and stated, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML
Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML
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Top comments
LQwhatitdew 0
Kinda figured you were the mother in this scenario when you started with "Today, my 4 year old son.. " The last sentence was unnecessary ankindadredundant, don't't you think?
surferchick96 0
kids say the darndest things xD
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Comments (91)
ksm69 0
you said your son told his teacher. meaning I already knew you were mommy......
tamie306 5
no der your the mommy
ace83_fml 0
put the fork down fat bitch
jackygirl2 0
One of the many reasons that i love kids. :p
TropicalTulipz 0
obviously the teacher is not blind or dumb.so its not embarrassing.no man can pick up a 100 cows and if u dont look fat u should know your not duhhhhh
jaybird09 0
adkins diet
nakidna 0
damn. tough shit. lose some weight
hashoahxxx 0
that is one awesome kid
spaceshan69 0
lose weight then you fat nasty POS
_rockaholic_ 0
My momma is so fat... XD