Today, my 5-year-old daughter said "Mommy, why doesn't anyone wanna marry you?" I've been asking myself the same question for all too many years. FML

Today, I told my 4-year-old daughter that when she grew up she could work at a daycare, like me, to help all of the little kids like her. She started crying because she thought it was a bad job to have. FML

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

Today, my 4-year-old niece told me she likes it when I'm around because I'm "squishy and smell like fried chicken all the time." FML

Bad guy

Today, I was babysitting my 4 year-old niece, who rudely but cutely asked me why my nose is so big. Trying to make light of it, I told her, "It's because I lie a lot, just like Pinocchio." Now she won’t stop asking who I lied to and told my sister and her husband that I’m a "bad guy." FML

Goals!

Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

Today, I asked my mum why she never had any children after me. She scoffed and asked if I've looked in a mirror lately. FML

Today, my 4-year-old daughter asked me when I was going to be skinny like her daycare lady. FML

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML