Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. I was a smartass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML
Today, my mum was in a bad mood, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her I love her, and giving her a hug. She slapped me hard enough to leave a red, hand-shaped mark on my face, and told me to fuck off with my "sarcasm". FML
Today, I overheard my mom, who quit smoking years ago, saying that I am the only person who stresses her out badly enough to want to smoke a cigarette. I have never once tried to stress her out, and in fact I do everything I can to make her life easier. She works in retail. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I was having a cigarette in a smoking area when a mother with a pram strode towards me and exaggerated a cough to make some sort of point. Reluctantly, I put it out and walked off. I then turned around to see her lighting up a cigarette, and blowing smoke all over her baby. FML
Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the driveway, hitting my leg, and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
Tell her a joke about her lungs.
FFML_314 12
Bitch slap her back.
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Comments (124)
CAbullet_Caitlin 0
child abuse:O
jhoops 0
Mr. Belvedere says Hmm.....sounds painful! (Smoke a joint)
artisticninja713 13
yeah I kinda liked my dad a bit better when he smoked too...
strikeeagle 3
strike and disown!
Flipflops4ever 0
I'm so tired of seeing mum! I know that's what they say in England but it still sounds weird. Why can't the British speak English the way everybody else does & say mom, mommy or ma! YDI.
QWERTYCommander 5
Even though I do agree that mum sounds weird, it's a British word.
CloudEnvy 17
I like that. "Why can't the British speak English" Like we're all wandering around shortening words and messing around with the spellings.
TooBored13 0
Ya man, you guys totally messed up the language when you won your Independence from the King of America. Wait, what? Haha.
YourLittleSpies 0
'English is a West Germanic language that arose in the Anglo-Saxon kingdoms of England and spread into South-East Scotland under the influence of the Anglian medieval kingdom of Northumbria.' Also, not everyone in England says 'mum', douchebag. Where I'm from, we say 'mam'. You shouldn't be so ignorant as to criticise another's accent/dialect.
5t3ff1k4h 47
I didn't think anyone past a certain age in any culture would call their mother 'mommy'.
monkeykiller77 0
that's when you call the cops :)
arabianhorse1234 0
Your mom is probably a bit irritable right now because she is going through nicotine withdrawal. Just be patient, eventually she'll either get past it or fall off the wagon and start smoking again.
baseball154 0
haha I laughed sooooo hard when I read this
xxxjj18 2
Nah, you're health got worse when you became a bitch. You really let her bitch slap you down some stairs? Just move outta the way lol. Seriously though, you should get that checked out
LaLaJuice 0
lmao ...this actually made me laugh out loud...