Today, it's my 20th birthday! Happy birthday to me! My boyfriend threw a beer can through my back wind-shield after breaking up with me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I turned twenty two. Three days ago I was fired. Two days ago I failed a midterm. Yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML
Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML
Today, It was my fiancé's 21st birthday party. It ended with him too drunk to walk and wailing about how much he misses an ex girlfriend of his that he dumped 4 years ago. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me on my 30th birthday, through text message. FML
Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML
Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML
Today, it was my 21st birthday and I invited a handful of my best friends over. They all stood me up and I drank alone in my apartment. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Orgasming Parakeets.
BananaSticker 0
I can only hope my 20th birthday is as cool as yours OP. Here's a banana sticker as your birthday present from me, though. :]
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Comments (233)
furburger 0
I think it could have been considerably better. OP's ex could have thrown a keg through the front windshield, a lit joint at her, or at least had the common decency to shoot one last load on her face. So, yeah, she's more or less ******.
peppa11 0
torrylyn: do your comments appear out of order?
MrQuest 0
cmon some stupid break up shouldn't ruin your day happy bday OP
peppa11 0
torrylyn: do your comments appear out of order?
apefaceddog 0
What did you do to him? Or maybe it's what didn't you do? It's either: (1)You didn't do something he wanted (2)You did something he didn't want or (3)You're dating a retard where he can be angry at you, even though neither of (1) nor (2) hold. In all cases, seems like a YDI.
redbluegreen 41
I think regardless of what the OP may or may not have done, they're better off. You don't chuck a beer can at someone and you especially don't do it after you've broken up with someone on their birthday. The ex sounds like a spoiled three year old. You deserve it, OP, because you can do better.
peppa11 0
hey, does amy1 here use the FML app for iPhone/iPod touch?
Oz_Alice 0
I like the wording.
losburn1 0
how does a CAN break a windshield??
ArtIsResistance7 1
Full can + Angry throw = WLD (Weapon of little destruction)
FFML_314 12
Most cans start off with something in them, making them very heavy.
justsayfuck 5
Brilliant Pendatik, just brilliant.
RedPillSucks 33
Makes one wonder what a toucan can do?
Trollz4daLULZ 2
Toucan can do twice what one can.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
But if one can cancan, that's more than one can.
RedPillSucks 33
Nary a canary can do what a toucan can do.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
if the can did candidly cancel the existence of another can via cannibalism, then the can can nibble.
nateball 0
ydi for smarting off to him and thinking you need special treatment on your birthday, although you do sound like a classy bunch. So do you live in a double or single wide trailer??
justsayfuck 5
Sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions but WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO to make him break your windshield? He is breaking up with you, it doesn't make sense if you hadn't done anything to upset him. Oh, happy birthday btw! :D