Today, it's been so long since my fiancé and I have had sex I now apparently have dreams about all-night unprotected screwing marathons with George Bush. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML
Today, it’s been so long since I've had sex, I dream about it every night and I can barely function mentally unless I masturbate frequently, otherwise I get random boners throughout the day that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to think about something else. FML
Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, even my wet dreams are about doing it solo. FML
Today, I realised it’s been too long since my partner and I have had sex. How do I know? This is the third night in a row he’s humped me in his sleep. FML
Today, we’ve been unable to have sex for months due to my boyfriend’s health issues. I would never EVER cheat on him; however my unconscious mind has other ideas. I’ve dreamt of kinky sex with everyone from the maintenance man to gettin' freaky with detective Stabler. I’m so horny I’m gonna burst. FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, after several grueling weeks at the gym, my moribund sex drive suddenly kicked into high gear. All I want is for my husband to fuck me senseless, but he's now convinced I'm just trying to butter him up before dropping a bombshell. FML
Today, I let my on-again, off-again boyfriend spend the night. For months we had been fighting about his new flame. After he convinced me that they are no longer an item, we had the most mind-blowing sex then we fell asleep. I awoke to him moaning her name. Followed by pelvic thrusts. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
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Top comments
emeraldisle 30
You spelled nightmares wrong.
cocacola999 27
Senior or Junior?
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Comments (50)
WCARlover 35
Hopefully the only bush he has is the one in his last name
ohkitty 21
out of all the people to have sex dreams about.. why George Bush??
Lalala579121 28
Because he's so good he can **** an entire country.
Jay18 22
to take down her twin towers
weejuh 5
I dreamt the same thing once, except with David Cameron :(.
snazz23 20
Then it's not the same thing, is it?
weejuh 5
Thanks for your response. "Except" is a word.
cocacola999 27
Senior or Junior?
Cali 57
Does it really matter?
pandaxpress 19
It shouldn't matter, they both ****** the country without Vaseline to go with those ankle straps.
OhPuhleeze 23
I was going to ask the same thing, then realised there are no winners here. Dubya or his dad
Tripartita 45
That's the joke, guys. #4 is asking for clarity regarding some irrelevant detail as though it's the most important part of the story.
AverageDayGamer 8
Just what I was going to ask.
RichardPencil 32
I can't believe no one has brought this up, but the older one was George H. W. Bush and the second was George W. Bush. Since the names are not identical, there's no need for Sr. and Jr.
kyu_Q 19
you beat me to it
emeraldisle 30
You spelled nightmares wrong.
Hippohighasakite 21
I too, dream of George Bush penetrating me. His gray hair glistening in the light as he buries his seed deep in me....
pancakebunny 19
No
RichardPencil 32
The one who brought his Weapon of Ass Destruction or the one who wants to Read Your Lips?
OhPuhleeze 23
The one stopping OB/GYNs from professing their love..
RichardPencil 32
Or the one who used his Willie to destroy your Dukakis?
kristinjeaneen 21
Senior or Junior!? Both sound equally horrific.
MYNAMEFTW 0
your fiancé doesn't happen to be a random man named George Bush right?
engineerosaurus 26
Perhaps you should rethink this engagement...?