Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm a gay, black man who moved to a racist, mainly white, homophobic town for work. I've already had the cops called on me twice, and a group of teens yelled the f-slur at me unprompted. When I asked my boss if I could swap, he threatened to fire me. This is gonna be a long 6 months. FML
Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. I was feeling really excited until my new neighbor knocked on my door and left me what looks like rabbit ears on my welcome mat. He just stared at me expectantly as though I should be thankful. FML
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Today, some new people moved into the house next door to mine. The previous occupants were very loud and obnoxious day in and day out, so I was looking forward to some sanity. When I went outside, I noticed they'd parked their cars on my lawn. FML
Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML
Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML
Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML
Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This included Nazi symbols, "white power", and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. FML
Today, I moved into my new house. I went over to my neighbors' house to introduce myself. As they opened the door I saw a telescope pointed at my house. FML
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Top comments
random2212 16
Wow that's terrible. Hopefully you can explain.
Klima_fml 29
A warm welcome, doesn't get too much better than that ;)
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Comments (118)
saifnaqvi11 21
You've been living there for three days and you haven't once gone out and said hi to anyone? When I first moved to my new house I went and met all my neighbors in the first week
wondercat40 28
I dunno, man. Sometimes neighbors are scary.
logicnazi 18
How do you not consider 3 days within a week? Please explain how you arrived at your judgmental comment?
ItsDutch 16
I've been living at my current house for about 3 years and I barely know any of my neighbors. Maybe OP's like and just likes to stick to him/herself.
ItsDutch 16
*like me
wondercat40 28
Sorry, double replying! But also, when I moved into my childhood home, I used to love my neighbors. Only one, though. The other I was afraid of, absolutely terrified. Why? They had a "Beware of Dog" sign. It made me think of some giant dog that wanted me dead. The other neighbor was a German Hawaiian had a telescope you look at the sun with, though. He was chill.
disbatch 14
butterfly
daddysgirl243 21
what a dick
thatsme293 28
Splash
CommentKing207 23
If it's possible, report it to the landlord. It gets you out of trouble and gets your neighbor into it. He deserves it.
MyNameIsLaughter 18
He doesn't say who it was, and he probably doesn't even know. Even if he did do that, it wouldn't take back the first impression that someone made for him
CommentKing207 23
Yeah, he most likely doesn't know. You're right about that. But he can still attempt to find out.
ShannonBitt 29
It doesn't say he's renting, so he very well may not have a landlord. Even if he did, it may not be the same landlord as the dicksplash. I doubt a landlord would even care anyways, it's not their problem really.
SPN_lover666 27
Where does it say he is renting an apartment? If he is renting, I doubt the landlord gives a shit. They have more important things to worry about than a stupid prank
MrThump 16
On the postive side at least someone in your neighbourhood has a sense of humour. A bad taste sense of humour but never the less a sense of humour. I'm sure not many people would have seen it so all good. Time to go meet the neighbours and mention the note to them all and ask "who would do this?" But keep relaxed about it and take it with a grain of salt. Laugh it off and don't let the person responsible have more ammo if you freak out about it.
people_really 16
There's nothing 'mildly humorous' about a racist 'joke'
JohnTheDonJuan 11
The best jokes are always at least a little offensive.
people_really 16
Please take your ignorance elsewhere
Christoph_Blaski 12
That's a pretty ****** up thing to do, sorry OP. I would just be as friendly as possible to everyone you see, and if any neighbors were to bring it up tell them the truth.
StickyPickles 33
Dick move but still funny. . Points for originality I think. Step up from flaming dog shit on the porch
disbatch 14
yeah but dog shit is great, it stinks so bad
worldclassrager 41
Dicksplash? That's a new one.. Have a few friends that are Jewish or black...that will change things...
StickyPickles 33
Wow, I never at all said or implied any racism. You have to be pretty ******* ignorant to be racist these days
ImTheAlpha 30
Because "But I have black friends!" isn't the go to "not racist" thing.
kilbridedoesfml 13
WFT you deserved it. Think about it how would you feel if you were a Black person or a Jew?
tarlax 11
You sir, are a moron.
Mynamewontfi 40
Reading is hard.
MrThump 16
Haha, read it again
rocker_chick23 27
Learn to read.
i_lik_tomaters 21
I wish I could down vote more than once
QuaDECH 13
Ummmm... do a second read-over perhaps.
Echoa21 18
Hey buddy you just blow in from stupid town?
SPN_lover666 27
School has been out for a few weeks and you already lost the ability to read? I think you need summer school.
thefmlman2011 37
Welcome to the neighborhood, neighbor
rachelthelime_fml 29
Is your neighbour a Neo-Nazi? That's so ****** up.
QuaDECH 13
He was probably joking and it is actually pretty funny as long as you're the guy doing it and not the guy getting the sign on their door.