Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML
Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML
Today, a creep called me out in the street and asked me why I was in that part of that street, because he "knows " I live in another part of the street, and he found it "odd" that I was there. He was smiling all that time too. FML
Today, my son's first impression of our new neighborhood was to be yelled at by the first kid he tried to introduce himself to, because my son was on the edge of their lawn. Half-an-hour later, I got a lecture at the corner store, because the clerk thinks vaccinations caused my son's autism. FML
Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML
Today, I discovered that the reason my neighbors have been giving me weird looks while whispering to each other lately is because I've started walking my cat on a leash, and this is apparently "a cause for concern about my mental health." FML
Today, I was visited by Child Protective Services. It seems someone on my street reported me for neglect because I cloth diaper my children. I moved in less than 6 months ago, so I guess this is how they say, "Welcome to the neighborhood!" about these parts. FML
Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML
Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML
Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Looks like you're going to have to prove you're a good guy. I'd suggest buying candy for all the kids in the neighborhood, but that wouldn't cut it. Make it a van full of candy—oh, and make sure it's nearly windowless to ensure the candy doesn't melt in the sun.
Kermy1113 23
Why the hell would he do that?? That's not something to really play with.
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Comments (46)
OptimusSlime 23
Your brother is an asshole
masschris 17
Thats ****** up beat the shit out of him. Teach him a lesson
ZoroMiHawk 25
yeah that will surely convince the neighbours he's not on parole.
thestoryofacaleb 14
The real question is, are they right?
Replyka 17
No.
Kermy1113 23
Why the hell would he do that?? That's not something to really play with.
Hunter_the_Ninja 22
Just like children...
AceOfThe925 3
6 that's great made me laugh xD
MariaGiovanni 25
right plus who would want to be the brother of a creepy felon anyway
football98_fml 20
Tell your mom on him.
PePziNL 20
BUT MYOOOOOOOOM
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
Anyone can do a search to see if any sex offenders lives in the neighborhood.
SecundusSecunda 27
Your brother sounds as likeable as an angler fish wearing an SS uniform
Tripartita 45
Looks like you're going to have to prove you're a good guy. I'd suggest buying candy for all the kids in the neighborhood, but that wouldn't cut it. Make it a van full of candy—oh, and make sure it's nearly windowless to ensure the candy doesn't melt in the sun.
Dale_shackleford 13
And make sure to spray paint "free candy" on it, the parents will appreciate your willingness to make your good intentions clear.
destroyahx2 2
Honestly that comment made my day
crudeandrudeguy 29
Most of your comments are clever but I think this one makes the top of the list by far. LMFAO
psyjoniz 12
im positive i wont find a better comment for at least a week.
Enkeria 30
I would confront your brother and make him tell the neighbor's that he was lying. That's happened to me in the past. My neighbor called me an unsensitive bitch because I called her out on something she was doing which was illegal. She ended up apologizing to everybody and admitted to lying.
0mysteriousman0 22
Older a younger brother...???
tarlax 11
Uhh, what?
Kukironosuke 16
Im guessing he means older OR younger brother?
militarybrat 21
Doesnt matter. Unless he is under like 5 any person knows you dont do shît like that.
DoomedGemini 38
And I feel like anyone who understands enough to do what op's brother did would know right from wrong.