Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML
Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML
Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML
Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, I was walking home from the gym. An old man in his car rolled down the window and drove slowly next to me. He pulled out a camera, took a picture of me and said, "It's gonna be a fun night!" and then drove off. FML
Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML
Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML
Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML
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Top comments
KikuHonda 3
o__________o what a creep.
FreddyLunch 0
You just got Fritzel'd
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Comments (236)
triplethreat13 0
umm WOW. i would smack the old geezer in the head.
TheRoflMonster 0
Old people will say anything!! Lolololol!
plexico 4
Serves you right for eyeballing his Whopper.
likeOMGwow 0
hahahahahaha nicely done
mashley_0709 0
haha thats funny!!!! lmao
McFly187 0
Haha Herbert The Pervert. Life-Sized. :)
kawa_fml 0
ahahahaha.....sounds like the little old guy was just having some fun.
epicFAIL7 0
LMAO creeper alert!!
littlemisslee 0
fake. you watch too much family guy.
CFR 0
#48: How can it be fake? What sort of people do you think they base Herbert off of? OP: *shudder* I feel so bad for you...
Bupkus 0
Well, /b/ has struck again!
blahdeblah8392 0
this doesn't have to be fake. there's PLENTY of creepy people in the world. where do you think they got the idea for buffalo bill in silence of the lambs? he was real, and his name was ed gein.