Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary. I had cooked him a romantic meal and we were planning on eating it in front of the fire. This would have gone great had I not forgotten to unblock the chimney. My entire basement filled with smoke and didn't clear for three hours. FML
Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, my apartment smelled like something was burning, so I checked the oven, toaster, outlets, and even the hallway. After an hour, I discovered the smell was coming from the candle I had forgotten I'd lit in the bathroom. I had spent an hour investigating a fire that wasn't happening. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. When we got there, I hugged his mother, and she glared at me. Later that day, I heard her telling her son that he should leave me because I smell like cigarettes, and she hates smokers. I don't smoke, my boyfriend does. He did all the way there. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it was OK for both of us to leave the house with the oven on. FML
Today, my anger issues reached their worst after a horrible day at work. I kicked my girlfriend out of our apartment because I smelled another man's cologne when I came home. The "cologne" was a scented candle that she had burning while I was gone. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, my boss told me to not burn the place down while she was outside. When she came back inside, I accidentally started a fire. FML
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Top comments
killak41 9
Those damn couches...always getting in the way of falling candles
Enslaved 38
I'd take a burnt couch over smelling cigarettes in my house any day.
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Comments (112)
KiddNYC1O 22
The stickiest to the icky.
elephantom12 9
I'm Rick James bitch, hold my drink.. Heh heh heh heh
hateevryone 15
he's definitely not going to smoke in your house again.
unholymasta 4
Oh the irony.
NeonBubblez 6
Well smoking is not the same as what you did. Smoking hurts your lungs and the others around you, definitely in a house..which isn't very smart...no offense. But a candle is every where in a house and anything can happen. At least you were trying to get the smell out instead of bringing it in......
schrodingersdog 4
I say you deserve it for dating a smoker.
mizAJ 1
BAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kriegs444 5
COME OVER HERE AND HAVE SEX WITH CHARLIE MURPHY!!
leadman1989 16
You have to draw the pentagram first if you're gonna try and attract malevolent spirits.
bogart20 13
I'm sure that helped the smoke problem