Today, my boyfriend uses the same thermos mug for everything he drinks; water, coffee, cider, vodka, everything. This afternoon, I looked inside and it was slimy and black in places. I demanded to know when he last washed it. His answer, “Um, when did I buy it?” I can’t kiss him anymore, I feel sick. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was two weeks ago. FML
Today, I poured myself a glass of Coke from the bottle in the fridge. While drinking it, I saw tiny pieces floating in it. Apparently, my boyfriend had drunk straight from the bottle in the morning, felt sick and threw up. He then put the bottle back in the fridge. I just drank my boyfriend's vomit. FML
Today, I walked out the bathroom and saw my girlfriend peeing in a mug. She said that's the mug she uses when she can't hold it anymore. That's the mug I put my coffee in every morning. FML
Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML
Today, I noticed a thick layer of mold growing inside the straw of my water bottle. I use that bottle every day. FML
Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
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Top comments
Yudith 28
Your boyfriend's immune system is bulletproof. You can use him to test old canned food, discounted meat, and milk that tastes funny.
poopface82 25
I just got my kids new tumblers and washed them before I gave them to the kids. I try to be a clean person because filth and chaos remind me of struggle. I can’t imagine being as gross as that. My suggestion: get him in for a mental health evaluation. You never know.
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Comments (4)
Rake 18
As long as he use it regularly for vodka it should be sterile no?
Yudith 28
Your boyfriend's immune system is bulletproof. You can use him to test old canned food, discounted meat, and milk that tastes funny.
poopface82 25
I just got my kids new tumblers and washed them before I gave them to the kids. I try to be a clean person because filth and chaos remind me of struggle. I can’t imagine being as gross as that. My suggestion: get him in for a mental health evaluation. You never know.
suntrkr 9
By all means, don't even think about washing it for him. that would only be the reasonable and responsible thing to do for your significant other.