Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my flatmate woke me up early, saying there was a fire and we had to evacuate. Barely awake, she practically dragged me downstairs and got to the front door. Once we got there, she opened the front door, kneed me in the nuts, and pushed me out, locking it behind her. I was only in boxers. FML
Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML
Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML
Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML
Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML
Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML
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Top comments
madmikemiller 6
Kinda is
bfrench95 0
You should have yelled "BABY KILLER" then headbutt his nutsack :)
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Comments (307)
SauceySarah 30
That's pretty gay on your room mates part.
tobedd 13
A gay man would never do something so distasteful
SauceySarah 30
True.
downtime 13
59, You've actually insulted the gay community in that comment by suggesting they aren't like the rest of the community. Ah political correctness, how I detest it.
tobedd 13
170 - We aren't like the rest of the community. The "rest" of the community gets equal rights. So until we have all the same I can make statements like that :-)
Torva_fml 16
Saying that gay men are mature, and don't enjoy doing distasteful things is an insult?
downtime 13
177, It suggests they're not on equal ground with everyone else, lacking in charactaristics that are fundamentally human. It stereotypes them as all being incapable of behaving like straight people, which is a form of segregation. Yes, I realise it is stupid, but my comment was more on the idiotic nature of political correctness than on the original comment itself. 176, If you expect change to happen you should initiate it yourself. Don't expect people to have to change for you if you aren't prepared to live your life by the same code. If you were to be treating everyone equally you have a right to complain about inequality, but when you refuse to do this yourself you are no better.
Torva_fml 16
Tl;dr. ( too long, didn't read) Sorry, your post sounds like you're trying too hard to be intelligent.
downtime 13
Oh, here, I'll rephrase in a way that your small mind can understand. "Go **** yourself".
Mudkips777 2
Balls to you!
graham11 14
13- what's that from? It sounds soo familiar but I just can't place it haha :)
bansheebomber 14
Ray William Johnson made a video about it, but Liza Minnelli said it. :D
graham11 14
209- thank you!! YES!! Ray william Johnson is the man!!
evilplatypus 39
Unless he's the type of douche that does stuff like this but only finds it funny if it's done to somebody else. I had a friend like that (not for long, though).
jillianmathers12 13
That's so disgusting . I would have kicked him there too!
shazza26 1
If her face was on the other side of the balls, wouldn't she kick her own face :/
jillianmathers12 13
No I meant when her/his face was not near the ball sack she/he could kick him.
bizarre_ftw 22
Why not just bite? You're going to brush your teeth anyway
jillianmathers12 13
Obviously you are not very smart and therefore don't know that some STD's can be transmitted orally.
fancyclown 9
The sick bastard would probably enjoy a kick.
smoothiegood 3
You don't know anything
coletrain11 5
Why are all of your comments super serious like you took plenty of time to think of what to say? Learn to laugh.
22jrdn55 15
Ballseye! And it is funny
rhysfucker 24
True. Nice play on words, btw.
VoteForTaco 8
I hope you kicked his ass so hard that he can't shit till next monday!!
jillianmathers12 13
Or kicked his ballsack!
Dracoboxer357 36
Definitely voting on revenge! :) Prank wars indeed!
tmaq973 7
You really want to kick this guy's balls, huh?
amanda_d95 9
Yummy
MikeDa1Da 14
It's called a joke. And stop trying to sound smart with your "quite distasteful and a lack of personal space" bullshit.
PaulB123 11
How'd it taste?
22jrdn55 15
im guessing a bit crunchy!
natashax21 5
I doubt OP opened his mouth to check.