Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML
Today, I kept hearing big *THUD* sounds across the house. The first few times, I didn't think anything of it. But after several more times, I started to suspect there was an intruder. After sneaking through the house, ready to knock out whomever was there, I found out it was my cat pushing things off the table. FML
Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML
Today, I thought I had fully patched up the hole in the wall near the stairs. I was proven wrong when I heard my cat screaming and hissing near it. The black cat who lives in my backyard decided to say hi, which my cat didn't take too kindly to. She absolutely whooped his ass. Not a fun thing to wake up to. FML
Today, at 2 a.m. I heard a noise coming from the living room. I thought somebody must be breaking in, so I had to save my cats. When I opened the door, all I could see was the only plant I owned, all over the room. The cats just greeted me with a friendly purr, like they were happy I was joining them in their sandbox. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Ugh, this happened to me once. I was just robbing somebody's house and could hear them freaking out upstairs. Fortunately, I was wearing my fursuit, so they mistook me for their cat.
Miss_Chevious 37
Sounds like an FML for the police guys who showed up. Today, some idiot called us in thinking he was getting robbed. The 'noises' he heard was his cat. FML
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Comments (65)
PickleOfLife 4
Obviously a cat-burglar...
Mathalamus 25
Usually, when I hear noises, I just go back to sleep. Not worth getting up for, and I'm in no shape to do anything anyway.
grtfuldeadlovr 27
I highly recommend that you purchase a lions mane costume and I did the same its basically a dunce hat for your cat.
bapbap_fml 15
Once my cat tried to fight another cat through the basement window in the middle of the night. Made such a racket, I though someone was breaking in!
RabbitOfAurora 28
"Turned out it was just my cat being a ********" will always be one of my favorite sentences. Also as someone with three cats of my own, I feel you OP.
Miss_Chevious 37
Granted, cats can actually be quite bitchy. As ironic as that is.
Miss_Chevious 37
Not to mention, they are unreliable and disloyal.
Berber260 14
So it's an fml cause the cops came out because you're a little girl?
berkeleyjake 13
get a dog