Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I fainted in my bathroom, full on naked and sprawled out on my bathroom floor. When I came to, I was in pain from landing on my side and very disoriented. I sat up and could see my husband just roll over in bed and go to sleep. He didn’t even ask me if I was OK. FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML
Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
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Top comments
hpandher 16
On the plus side, you still have fun part in your marriage. Child inside one should never die.
thesalmon 3
My boyfriend's mom fell out of bed and broke her clavicle trying to reach her alarm clock, since them I'm terrified of falling out of bed. If someone scared me when I woke up I would probably die from the damage I'd cause myself from trying to get away.
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Comments (33)
jstone89 13
That's a little dramatic dont ya think?
tackman2212 2
Ahh ain't love grand
Nickimariek 20
Time to get even
Jbruno99 10
I want a relationship like that LOL
Tsukiyomi 16
Your husband is legendary
edward_cooper 10
you should feel lucky that you got yoursel a perfect soulmate. lucky bitch