Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, I woke up feeling crabby because of lack of sleep. I noticed what woke me up, it was man's best friend. He kept moving around and wouldn't stop rotating in circles to get comfy. I told him to lay down and he looked at me, did another circle and lowered down, butthole first on my forehead. FML
Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Well he was cleaning himself, and decided you needed a bath as well. Saliva and a tongue are the best things to wash with. Trust me...
kost4060 14
My dog ate his puke then came to lick my face
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Comments (69)
lynds71 12
My does this to my private parts too. Its so gross. But my dog loves panties.
raptaki 8
Actually all dogs clean their balls so... lol
Ki11erC 18
So it would of been fine if you didn't know? I have a cat that I know licks her ass on a regular basis and she knows not to lick me.
Awnonymous 4
fmylife.com: Slightly annoyed white people
Mooglefox 24
This is why I don't let dogs lick my face at all.
rinoa_fml 10
Why does your dog have balls?
Omniprism 15
His balls are just like the rest of him- covered in fur. It's his penis I wouldn't want to be kissed afterwards. His balls aren't like people balls all sweaty and such.
Fabio69_fml 4
So ******* what?
more4me 27
Exactly.
souchi64_fml 2
In my opinion, you shouldn't let your dock lick your face. Anytime.