Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, I woke up feeling crabby because of lack of sleep. I noticed what woke me up, it was man's best friend. He kept moving around and wouldn't stop rotating in circles to get comfy. I told him to lay down and he looked at me, did another circle and lowered down, butthole first on my forehead. FML
Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
Well he was cleaning himself, and decided you needed a bath as well. Saliva and a tongue are the best things to wash with. Trust me...
kost4060 14
My dog ate his puke then came to lick my face
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (69)
DocBastard 40
And people wonder why I like cats more than dogs. Cats are just willfully indifferent rather than intentionally disgusting.
slipstreak 10
I'm not so sure, one time I had gotten out of the shower and taken a nap only to wake up to my cat licking the hell out of my hair. MY HAIR. Needless to say, I showered again.
turtles4life 24
You realize cats lick their buttholes right? Lol they're just cleaning, maybe the dog was also just cleaning.
igive 29
Good thing theres facial wash to freshen your face in the morning. Oh! Looks like your dog took care of that.
xLuvx2xLaffx 4
The way I look at it, it means he likes you as much as he likes his balls. That's gotta put a smile on your face -- your dog-smegma-covered face.
JJ_86 22
Smearing the face with dog-nut essence is good for having a wonderful and radiant day.
sexysaltshaker 11
I swear they do it on purpose. I'm also speaking from experience.
neeni88 23
The only difference in this situation, as opposed to other times he's licked you all over, is that this time you actually SAW him licking his balls beforehand lol.
kimg0885 23
The way I look at it anytime you get licked by a dog you kinda have to expect grossness. It's not like they brush their teeth or use mouthwash.
johbstonjacob 8
Gross
abc_1_2_3 12
Ewww, that's so nasty, I'm glad my dog never licks my face xD
echosong 16
Hey, I would do the same too if I was a dog