Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad and brother found a Christmas present that they'd "forgotten" to give me. Expecting a joke, I apprehensively opened it. But I still wasn't prepared to unwrap the neck of the Christmas turkey. It had been rotting in the living room for 2 days. The smell was indescribable. FML
Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML
Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, my boss sent a Christmas present… to my dog. FML
Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML
Today, my boss sent me a text message saying, "You're fired. Merry Christmas!" FML
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Top comments
supraz21 0
thats messed up that guy has issues
starfuryt550 3
are you retarded?
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Comments (79)
bumnumber1 0
The force is strong with this one.
turturkeykey 0
Nerd.
turturkeykey 0
That's what you get for not being Stan.
cmac86 24
if the note wasnt there I'd think it's a dog thats learned to wrap trying to give you a gift.
m0tl3ycru3qwr 0
I think there was a mixup
DNMendez95 3
FAIL
alaaloo_fml_fml 0
At least it was all wrapped nicely in a box.
Xythenol 6
Well Luke, that present wasn't even for you. Now give it back to Stan, you selfish **** >:C
SmellMyCheese 1
hahahahaa!
KennKenn 0
How's your father?
mariekentairo 0
I like your name OP much better then Stan. FHL for being called Stan in the first place.
perdix 31
Are you a gecko? If so, the culprit is that woman you ****** in Toledo and never called.