Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad and brother found a Christmas present that they'd "forgotten" to give me. Expecting a joke, I apprehensively opened it. But I still wasn't prepared to unwrap the neck of the Christmas turkey. It had been rotting in the living room for 2 days. The smell was indescribable. FML
Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML
Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, my boss sent a Christmas present… to my dog. FML
Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML
Today, my boss sent me a text message saying, "You're fired. Merry Christmas!" FML
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Top comments
supraz21 0
thats messed up that guy has issues
starfuryt550 3
are you retarded?
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Comments (79)
nikkibihm 0
Aw Hahahah that sucks
gooBUZZ 0
Indeed. FYL. By the way, go get some friends. Good day, sir.
iSitt 0
extract a saliva sample from the sandwich, analyze the DNA, splice it with the bird's, create a half man half bird superhero and call it Stan and tell it "I'm your father, Luke". Then send it on a mission to track down the original DNA person.
mamamiaaa_fml 12
didn't stan die at the end of that video? hmmph.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
well it's obvious that you have been thinking your name is Luke when in fact it's stan. I'd be pretty embarrassed if I was you.
ScaughtieHolden 11
17, Haha omg nice.
labratory5 0
shut up Justin Beber. how how ever you spell his ******* name
RedPillSucks 33
Robot Chicken
TheDrifter 24
Nono it was just a poor grammar moment on the part of the gifter. If you look at it my way you just got a thoughtful gift of Christmas dinner from a hobo named Stan.
whymee55 6
I get it 46 a nice greeting from a hobo with tourettes
BIEBS15 0
not funny....watsoever.
lilmisslovely13 15
Maybe Eminem got sick and tired of you stalking him...
HinduSpartan 2
Damn WTF
bumnumber1 0
The force is even stronger with this one.
Kiggerz989 0
FAIL
megaluke 0
the birds name is Stan
supraz21 0
thats messed up that guy has issues
starile 20
Maybe the gift giver wanted to give Stan a sandwich and a pet bird. The bird ate half the sandwich to survive, but there weren't air holes in the nicely wrapped box so it died :/ Pass it off to Stan.
TeamDazu 5
Luke Skywalker?
Dall87 0
sucks for you Stan.
stephan18 23
Luke*
anna15243 6
hide name isn't Stan. its Luke
manforgot 1
Why does your name being Luke have to do with anything? o.o
zcknight 0
Because he said it was probably the only gift he'd get for Christmas and it was a shitty gift that wasn't even for him.
starfuryt550 3
are you retarded?
GalaxyShots 21
The present said 'merry ******* christmas, stan'...his name is Luke, not Stan. Holy shit, are you stupid?
cj91 0
I'd hate to be Stanley. haha the geico commercial....no? I thought it was funny.
cmac86 24
took me a minute, but yeah, I get it.
schwancy 2
Give Stan back his gift! He's been waiting for that dead bird all year!
Lustuu_fml 14
Yeah right! That was nice Anyway, a gift is a gift! Don't be so spoiled!
SandiRainbowFish 20
I don't think dead birds are a very nice present so I don't blame Luke for not appreciating it....
MissLizWolf 8
aw, I'm so sorry Luke/:
I_R_Genius 3
Was it a koo-koo-kachoo bird?
Xythenol 6
I think you mean "goo-goo-g'joob" ;D
starile 20
28, thank you! I stick by that pronunciation and resent all others! lol
I_R_Genius 3
Lol touché 28 touché. But I was qouting from family guy.
TrollFeeder 10
No it's Stan now.