Today, my dad and brother found a Christmas present that they'd "forgotten" to give me. Expecting a joke, I apprehensively opened it. But I still wasn't prepared to unwrap the neck of the Christmas turkey. It had been rotting in the living room for 2 days. The smell was indescribable. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML
Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML
Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to give me my Christmas present early because he's going to his grandparents' house for Christmas and won't see me. I was excited, until I unwrapped a sweater that I left there a month ago. FML
Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my extended family came over for Christmas. I forgot to get a present for my extremely sensitive aunt. I took a gift from my re-gift pile and wrapped it quickly. Little did I remember that it was the same gift she gave me last year. She noticed. FML
Today, it's Christmas Day. Normally, my family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, my mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML
Today, I thought my mom and I could put aside our differences and open our Christmas presents. When she opened mine, she turned to my dad and said she didn't want the present, so I could give it to someone else. 'Tis the season. FML
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Top comments
spoon69x 5
The obvious solution would be to return the gift next year (although you may want to freeze it in the meantime or there won't be much left to give them.....)
Akitakat 31
Their dad & brother... didn’t you read the fml? :)
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Comments (10)
Laphog 17
Perhaps ....a diaper filled with Indian food? Bigfoot's **** would probably come close as well.
coolmike699 26
Who leaves rotting meat in the living room for 2 days?
Akitakat 31
Their dad & brother... didn’t you read the fml? :)
mermaidkeels 26
If they waited for you to open the "gift", they were near by and had to endure the smell as well. They pretty much pranked themselves in the process.
Tripartita 45
1. Brace yourself 2. Hold the rotten mess closer to your face 3. Blow as hard as you can in the direction of those bastards
LyricaSilvan 30
Your family has some weird ideas of what constitutes an acceptable prank. Giving someone rotting meat as a "gift" is unsanitary and bizarre.
awildwhisper 30
I hope you returned the favor and had saved them Christmas leftovers to give for New Years.
WeirdUS 30
Regift it by hiding it in their room or in the closet or even the car especially under the seat it'll be a pain in the ass to reach and the car is going to reek for days.
spoon69x 5
The obvious solution would be to return the gift next year (although you may want to freeze it in the meantime or there won't be much left to give them.....)
sgdigaetano 3
What the hell kind of family do you have? Do these types of people even really exist??