Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, on Christmas Eve, as I was getting my car loaded for the holiday rounds to the in-laws and parents, my car decided now was the time to break down. I recently put in over $1000 fixing it. FML
Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my car being stolen. FML
Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML
Today, while driving home from work, I heard a loud crash immediately followed by the sound of wind and shifting glass over my head. My sunroof exploded for no perceptible reason 5 days before Christmas. FML
Today, I was really excited that I'd made it the two weeks I'd borrowed my mother-in-law's new car without putting a scratch on it. I got off work to discover a customer's child throwing rocks in the parking lot. They cracked the windshield. FML
Today, I looked outside and I saw that my new car had been snowed on. Sadly the snow had frozen onto the car, so I spent the entire day getting it off. I came inside. By 8pm, my car had snow all over it again, and this time I left the window open. FML
Today, I purchased a new car. On the drive home, gusts of wind blew up debris and pebbles and caused little chips in the paint and small chips on the windshield. FML
Today, I replaced my car's windscreen wipers, after someone stole the last pair. After I finished, I went indoors for a drink. When I returned, the new ones had been stolen too. FML
Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML
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Top comments
alexsannell 13
Replace it... You don't have to leave it like that forever :)
challan 19
Those wankers! So ballsy of them. They basically pissed all over you, Op. Do you live by the docks? Those semen are rough characters. Did you call the police? I would, in a hairy situation like this. Those guys are nuts!
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Comments (83)
alexsannell 13
Replace it... You don't have to leave it like that forever :)
michaelaranda 28
that's not how it works
ohnowhyme123 15
looks like you were on the naughty list this year!
glabberfasted 16
8 - How? They're incredibly easy to be replaced. There's even companies just for it.
whiteboy896 9
OP brand new car that they will be paying off for the next four years, and you think they want to spend $500 on a new windshield?
Y2Jfan4life 2
You could get a paint job.
Saikon1357 25
Yes OP paint the windshield of your car. Seeing where you're going is overrated
kate3101 15
OP is in the UK where a replacement windscreen starts at about £70. Annoying, but not life-threatening.
byron17 26
Autoglass repair, Autoglass replace! (British joke!)
Scynistr 20
@8.. Insurance... That's exactly how it works.
ShannonBitt 29
#30: you're right, I'd rather drive my brand new car with a huge penis keyed in the windshield; it adds character to the car (this is sarcasm, for those who couldn't tell). Also, a new windshield costs nowhere near $500, especially if it is partially or completely covered by insurance. #60: Safelight repair, Safelight replace! (American joke)
TheHons 7
SpeedyGlass repair, SpeedyGlass replace (Canadian joke)
FezzesAreCool 18
Merry Christmas!
swaggalikethat 22
Sincerely yours, St. Dick
Ayeasha 7
Merry Christmas! But doesn't insurance cover that stuff? If it does take it in and get it repaired.
havingalaugh 9
It does, but most people are scared their rates will go up for a claim like this. In all reality you can file all the comprehensive claims you want and your rate won't go up.
jazzy_123 20
Will it be good quality work though? My parents bought 2 brand new cars 2 years ago. My moms car got hit with a pebble and it had a crack in the windshield. So my dad took it back and they only put this layer on it that would stop it from cracking even more. Was that just because it wasn't such a big thing? I never understood that.
Mauskau 36
#55, why replace a whole windscreen if you can fill the small crack so it doesn't get larger?
jazzy_123 20
That's what I'm saying and that's why I asked. They didn't fill it in and I thought they were. So you can still see the crack. I guess.
jefrey 9
its call karma
RodzillaX 30
And...you're a bitch.
challan 19
Those wankers! So ballsy of them. They basically pissed all over you, Op. Do you live by the docks? Those semen are rough characters. Did you call the police? I would, in a hairy situation like this. Those guys are nuts!
macystar 14
I just. I don't even know how you came up with all that.
Shmatterhorn 38
Well, there you go. We should sack you for your humor, but the guys wanted to give you the Internet for today. Enjoy!
euphoricness 28
She came up with it with the power of dildoes
traviscool 12
The puns...
BossPathfinderGM 14
Mrs. Perdix, is that you?
vencku 13
Living by the docks just so you could make a pun on seamen was too farfetched and forced in there. It wasn't in any way related to the FML. It'd have been better without that bit. Pity.
lengi123 18
Nice! Now that they've all been said maybe no one else will make any puns here! lol of course they will... its the internet.
JMichael 26
Personally I thought it was genius.
radiohaley 14
win!
mangoboy1 19
Penis
AliSama 17
Urge to propose rising rising rising Falling falling. Ooh shiny.
EternalRest 5
Who did you piss off?
niallo 23
Possibly it's the fact that the OP simply had a new car. For some people that's reason enough.
jazzy_123 20
That is so disrespectful. I hate when people do things like that! Don't they understand the hard work people go through to get things that they could finally get?! I'm sure OP did. Seeing things like this makes me feel so sad and so bad :/
KinkyCurly 13
Hopefully you have a garage. Try and make room for your car in it. It's the only way to keep it safe from now on. People are so disrespectful these days. If you don't have one...make a police report that way they are aware of that area and its delinquents.
Shmatterhorn 38
Time to see if that comprehensive insurance coverage is up to the challenge. I just hope that your deductible isn't too high. Sorry to hear about that, OP.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
Check and see if that's covered by your insurance as vandalism. Merry Christmas anyways!
buckdharma 38
scratch some flames around it. That way you can tell people it's a Firebird.