Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
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Top comments
korty13 0
why do u think they're called **** roaches
iSmellNice 2
lol cockroaches turned you on
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Comments (137)
the_holy_one 0
There's an old FML about this hippie dude who had not showered for 53 days. Is that you? :$
DeidaraDaKitsune 0
To all those people who say he's a slob and that he should clean his room, I doubt that you've ever been to Australia (except perhaps in winter) because you can NEVER get rid of roaches here. Still, that's pretty gross. You obviously didn't enjoy it once you found out they were roaches but still... ew.
kamy24 0
#99 I choked on my cookie after I saw your comment.
sjdjxjwn 0
wats that COK ROACH doing down there
fullmetal93 0
sleepingthan!on his
mrchiot 0
disguasting!!
The_Walris 4
haha "****"roaches haha
bossybanks 0
omg, you are dirty. cockroaches only come to a dirty home. very trifling.
trudom108 0
talk about sabertooth crotch crickets
x0katiebabyx0 0
YDI for havin roaches..yuck... FYL you should clean your living space. =)
anon45 6
Roaches =/= Dirty living space.