igotpride
United States
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
somuchforthat
Australia
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
no name
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Anonymous
Warman, Canada
Juicy breakfast
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Anonymous
Littleton, United States
Top o' the mornin' to ya
Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML
asthmatic
United States
Extra protein
Today, I used my inhaler for the first time in a year. As soon as I took a puff I felt something strange go down my throat. Upon closer inspection I discovered there had been a spider living in the mouth of my inhaler... and I had just swallowed it. FML
gaggin
Beverly Hills, United States
Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML
thatsnotacat
West End, Australia
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
eebie jeebies
Cypress, United States
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
jillydark6609
United States
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
danonno
Nelson, Canada
Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML
Top comments
JustinKirby 20
They do say you swallow a few spiders in your sleep each year, don't freak out too much just brush your teeth and try to forget about it.
xnyletak 17
On the bright side, it's dead now.
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Comments (130)
olpally 33
Good protein? Haha, that's nasty!
safaeita 32
well you killed it alright , just not the way you thought you did
Cas547 8
Holy crap.
Joesyy 6
I was just getting ready for some sleep when I read this. Nope.
XSeraphinX 18
You are not alone.
Rainhawk94 27
Don't worry spiders have great patience they'll wait you out
im_kevin 6
That's why you should burn down the house the first time you see a spider
jixiekat 14
*tries not to gag* jk! this happens more often then we know... D:
jess_wileyy 12
oh my god. night ruined just thinking about it.
eternal_malaise 10
OP, either it was a zombie spider or had friends. Either way, you should start wearing a mask.
Caelophile 8
So was it not dead in the morning after all?
Jemm_fml 29
Survivor: Spider Edition