Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML
Today, I learned that Guru Tugginmypudha was right, two elephants humping is the ultimate distraction, as in, when two elephants started humping during my kids' trip to the zoo, a mad crowd of idiots rushed to watch, and somewhere in the middle of it all I clearly felt a pickpocket steal my wallet. FML
Today, I went to the zoo to see all of my favorite animals. When I got there, I realized they must've all been on strike or something, and refused to come out of their enclosures. FML
Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML
Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, I ran full speed into a brick wall because I saw a tiger. On the other side of a zoo cage. FML
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Top comments
thatgirlinoregon 21
At least it didn't take your shoe!
Paco_el_Taco 17
Look at it this way, now you don't have to carry all that shit around with you.
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Comments (140)
thatgirlinoregon 21
At least it didn't take your shoe!
HairyPunisher 27
Wom Wom Wom
Trisha_aus 15
You'll get it back in little crushed pieces from the other end covered with...
asoptavlo14 6
We have a couple FML's about thieves today! ... How nifty.
Inheritance 10
Announcer: Attention ladies our elephant may eat your pur.. Announcer: Oh.. Ah.. ok, wait it already happened, just beware! Thank you. P.S no refunds.
baddawg365 0
1-Darn it you took my comment I wonder if she was in the bathroom.
negb 30
1 - I know that was a reference to another fml but I think I'd rather it take my shoe
Inheritance 10
Haters be haters on my previous comment.(:
HiIAmKevin 8
That's what you get for keeping a $5 footlong in your purse.
laden_swallow09 35
You don't have "haters". You have people who see your attempt at humor for what it is: not funny.
Inheritance 10
#85 that's to bad cant blame it tho it was when I woke up
trollfaced 2
Did you call your phone to make sure it was working?
SystemofaBlink41 27
32- why am i laughing at this?
Torch15 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Lol dumb elephant
enchi999 8
The elephants not dumb. It was probably like "oh hey what's that?" and grabbed it. It's natural instinct. Go to a zoo where an elephant can take access your stuff and have a bag out. If it sees it it will take it.
skoob1 12
Go to a daycare... Same reaction
beelee1988 13
Elephants are actually very smart. Dumb human.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Robo-elephant hungry!!!! Must eat technology!
riax 9
Mebe if our race started eating cellphones and cameras we will become smarter
Sammeydw 22
not the OP. The circus director.
Quinn32 16
Mebe? Really?
Sammeydw 22
not the OP. The circus director.
TheGreatAlexande 12
Did you get it back?
Quidikic 9
You aren't the brightest are ya?
insertnameherr 11
oh, she got it back, alright!
sailoroftheseas 7
probably in a few hours
CheckMyProfile 17
she got them only in pieces!
CharliesCool2084 8
How do you think she could get them back once an elephant ate them? From the elephant's shit?
MikeonFML 17
She wouldn't have known what it crushed if she didn't get it back...
Branflakes78 13
are you that stupid?
G1ZZY 0
No, she got it back. It was all perfect. Nothing messed up. (Sarcasm)
florido_fml 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It was trained to do that, that's how they make their money by robbing people.
HairyPunisher 27
Yeah, a crushed cell phone and camera are definitely profitable.
pavlovaaLOVE 7
You're an idiot
RedPillSucks 33
Well, you can get the money and credit cards back if you can stand to wait a few hours and wade through a pile of elephant shit, gluing pieces back together.
HairyPunisher 27
florido seemed pretty serious to me. And even if he was attempting sarcasm, his joke was not even remotely funny. Not to toot my own horn but my above comment was clearly sarcastic AND funny.
trivel64 16
113-Saying "not to toot my own horn" doesn't make everyone suddenly forgive you for tooting your own horn.
HairyPunisher 27
117, touché
Jester epic_151 11
No, the circus director might have charged them for feeding 'poisonous' stuff to the elephant
ManInTheMachine 20
Holy shit! I don't think I've ever heard of that happening before. But tell the circus director to calm down; explain what happened, and reassure him that it'll come out one way or another. ;)
Achall91 17
Once while I was visiting a zoo in Australia my aunt dropped her camera case into the den of two large lizards. They had just been sitting there before but when the saw the camera case they rushed over and one started eating the case. You could actually see the case going down it's throat. We had to get a zoo keeper to go in the den so the lizard wouldn't die. He asked if we wanted it back after but it was covered in slimy stuff. I assume that kind of thing happens often. Sorry my comment is long and if you find it irrelevant but it made sense to me.
ReesieBanana21 12
Some people are just plain stupid.. *sigh* I am living proof..
Paco_el_Taco 17
Look at it this way, now you don't have to carry all that shit around with you.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I have a dog named Paco. Sometimes we call him Paco the Taco. Paco, get off FML and finish your food!
littlegreycells 6
That's exactly what op is going to be carrying around if she wants her stuff back! :L
Reiinn 0
This made me lol! XD
P1Nk13 7
this is very hard to believe, but I would be demanding some type of compensation, since nobody warned them not to bring personal items into the ring...
CALLAHAN4 0
you weren't exactly being attentive if it took ur purse especially if it was on ur shoulder
thatgirlinoregon 21
Generally, in my experience, elephant strength > human strength. If the elephant wanted the purse, there probably wasn't going to be a damn thing OP could do about it.
thatgirlinoregon 21
Unless the OP was a body-building steroid-pusher, of course. Tug-of-war time, circus edition!
greenie213 23
I have a feeling that the elephant would still win.
EpicSquishii 21
Reminds me of that "Water for Elephants" book. Such mischievous animals these big grey behemoths seem to be.
petraphotoDOTca 6
..same here. hope he spat it out/is ok!
MainPrism 16
Attentive or not, if an elephant wants to take something from you it will. There's no way you're gonna be able to stop it.