Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML
Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML
Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to the beach. His parents relentlessly tried to hook him with other girls, all the while knowing that we're dating. Their reasoning is that I'm not a 'real girlfriend.' FML
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Top comments
JFurr 9
He's just nervous in his own skin around your parents. So he tried taking it off.
SovietBarney 8
He must have been attacked by one of those vicious cougars, if you catch my drift.
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Comments (104)
greenie213 23
Now don't jump to conclusions. Who am I kidding? Dump his ass?
stonedfishies 10
There could be a few reasons why he has scratch marks on his back.
Briiyahh 7
Maybe he has a itchy back?
lovebeecharmer 6
Coyly isn't even a smooth word. Makes me want to punch babies.
Shrike 24
What the hell? It's THE word to convey the meaning that OP intended. What, do you expect her to make a new word up just for you, or to rifle through a thesaurus just because you feel threatened by a word you probably think is "too exotic"?
lovebeecharmer 6
Lol do you feel better now you big baby. I just meant I don't like how it sounds.
AFCA020 4
I bet your sister made those marks op...
Addictinggg 6
He definitely got those scratches when he tried helping a kitten get off the highest tree in the neighborhood, for his grandmas friend. While successfully getting the cat and walking it off the tree, he slipped and his back hit the tree on the way down! The cat died because he landed on it.
SimplyEerb 3
Let's not jump to any conclusions. First thing's first: ask.
jaredofmo 22
It's simple. He's a werewolf.
bethanael 13
He probably just had someone scratch his back because it was itchy. You need to stop being paranoid.
kaylanicole1695 12
could have been from a cat or he could have fell, don't be too quick to judge