Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML
Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML
Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to the beach. His parents relentlessly tried to hook him with other girls, all the while knowing that we're dating. Their reasoning is that I'm not a 'real girlfriend.' FML
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Top comments
JFurr 9
He's just nervous in his own skin around your parents. So he tried taking it off.
SovietBarney 8
He must have been attacked by one of those vicious cougars, if you catch my drift.
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Comments (104)
seasonedtoast 19
I hear black bear attacks are on the rise. Lucky it didn't get his face.
perdix 31
The sister wouldn't bring attention to the marks if she caused them. They're not from the OP. The boyfriend, therefore, must be cheating with: Dunh, dunh, dunh. . . Mom?!?!
icemand90 17
maybe the sister pointed them out to allay suspicion that she she had in fact put them there... the plot thickens...
JoeSaysSsso 2
double team.
icemand90 17
maybe the sister pointed them out to allay suspicion that she had in fact put them there... the plot thickens...
lizze_bee 0
*where
unknown_user5566 27
... Who are you correcting?
w7cook 3
It is "my family and me" not "my family and I"
seasonedtoast 19
**** off grammar natzi
Zomg_Okay 27
No, I'm fairly sure it's "My family and I", 18.
ailsajayne 5
Douche (:
False_Stupidity 42
OP is correct, #21 is correct, #20 is rude but you sir #18 are a grammar Nazi failure.
hotPinklipstick 24
Actually 18 is correct, if you take out 'my family' the sentence would say my 'my boyfriend came to the beach with I' which doesn't make sense. The sentence should say "My boyfriend came to the beach with my family and me" that way if you take out 'my family' it is still a proper sentence.
itssosparkly 21
The use of I or me depends on the subject of the sentence. If the subject is the pronoun, then using "I" would be correct. If the subject is not the pronoun, using "me" would be correct. In this sentence, OP's boyfriend is the subject, so the correct pronoun is "me." 18 is right. (But it hardly matters.)
Pentium_4 27
"natzi" lol
mhopper 13
Actually 25, it's based also on the object of the preposition (in this case "with").
Fmlsea 28
Or to solve all this grammar Nazi crap, they could just phrased it as "my boyfriend came to the beach with me and my family ".
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
20- Your comment should read "**** off, Grammar Nazi." You're welcome.
sammySamantha 0
Lots of things to put in but mostly attacks…
Revan501 15
What the hell do you mean?
RachelGabriella 0
I wonder if those marks are from her sister.....o.O
mhopper 13
Those scratches are from his cat from when he peed in the litterbox!
hipsterhunter 9
It's a good thing his wife didn't show up at the beach then, or the OP would have had too many potential suspects.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Your sister trying to embarrass you was a bitch move. And if I were you, I'd give him something worse than a scratch.
broim13calm_down 8
what will you give him an STD?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
If I had one, more than likely, yes. Sweet, sweet revenge.
nerdchic 5
Bahahahahahaha!!!! That is def sweet revenge!
greatdanen 6
give him aids
Fmlsea 28
wow what a douche you would think he would cover them , kick his ass and find a better boyfriend . And even though your sister is a bitch you can at least thank her for showing you what a douche your boyfriend is .
nerdchic 5
They're at a beach... Keeping a shirt on would be even more suspicious.. Maybe he was banking on the Gf claiming them. Or maybe he scratched himself.. If I scratch my own back I get the huge red lines of broken skin.. It's just the way my body reacts to it
unknown_user5566 27
36- Why do you always put a space between the words and the punctuation?
doctorhook86 25
68: Don't forget to make fun of her poor capitalization!