Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML
Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML
Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML
Today, while swimming in a lake, I was feeling frisky so I dropped my swimsuit and went underwater and masturbated. After I came, I resurfaced and saw two girls giggling. With their goggles they'd seen the whole thing. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML
Today, my boyfriend bought a bikini he wanted me to wear in our hot tub. Unfortunately, I ran out of swimsuits for my daily swim at the public pool, so I took the new bikini. Now I know why he wanted to be alone when I wore it, as water turns it see-through and melts the stitching so it falls off. FML
Today, I thought I'd impress my friends with a backflip into the pool. I ended up smacking my back on the edge of the diving board and belly-flopping into the water. Now I have a bruise and a story that everyone is intent on retelling. I'm just glad no one was filming me. I hope. FML
Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML
Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML
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Top comments
wisericky 12
You should have been like. "You should see the other guy"
roflstomp716 19
guess you were cruisin' for a bruisin'..
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Comments (92)
wisericky 12
You should have been like. "You should see the other guy"
lex1459 38
You should have started crying and claiming the demon from the conjuring was after you
soccerstar1996 18
OPs like, "Yeah, I wrestled a bear while drinking Dos Equis"
webbface 25
I find it kinda odd that your entire back was covered in bruises just from sex. Jeez I thought I was rough for scratches and little marks. Now I know if I actually wanna be rough I need to tell my bf to punch me constantly in the back while he is getting me from behind. Oh get a whip and whip the shit outta my back! Or smash me into some rocks! Jeez forget pleasure, bring on the pain. I hope you just bruise easily.
michelleJ11 25
Bet that took a lot of convincing ... Sounds like an interesting conversation though. Hopefully it didn't end with one of your parents stores of their experiences ...
michelleJ11 25
Stories** whoops.
roflstomp716 19
guess you were cruisin' for a bruisin'..
PterodactylMan 23
That had to hurt OP
Zimmington 21
Well, he was technically beating Something up.
missfrenchie 11
He was beating... dat ass *cue Barney video* say it with me now.. Dat Ass~
Zimmington 21
Irrelevant received cunnilings
CoffeeChickBlows 13
What the **** are cunnilings? Oh, you meant "***********"? Well your comment still blows.
Zimmington 21
Yeah I meant *********** but my my phone kept correcting it. Anyway I knew this comment would get thumbed down but I thought it would prevent more "Doesn't matter had sex" comments. But since #10 is exactly that I failed twice.
Clioo_fml 17
Correcting it to cunnilings? Since when do phones autocorrect to nonexistent words? Unless you've been using that word before continuously...but for what?!
RoboCunnilingus 23
Someone say ***********?
KinkyCurly 13
Kinky
Juneyah1017 9
Y'all have sex on the cement?
KiddNYC1O 22
Nah, they had great sex.
AllyBrianne 10
Doesnt matter- had sex
dweeds508 24
Real original comment, #10. Never seen that before
kernelkat 16
I for one love lonely island references
kee_breezy32 34
must've been some good sex!
challan 19
Take the pictures off the wall before you get lifted against it. It's all fun and games...