Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I borrowed a goat from a coworker to clear out an overgrown section of our yard. It worked great, except for the part where the goat butted me on my ass. Of course my wife was filming and laughing, and later put it on Instagram. FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML
Today, my friend thought it'd be a great idea to drag me a new fitness trend - goat yoga. Mid-session, the goat had a nibble on my hair, and I ended up having to do a downward dog while trying to dodge a very friendly but mischievous farm animal. FML
Today, while petting one of the goats we have, the other one was jealous so it ripped out a chunk of my hair. FML
Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML
Today, I went to the farm my girlfriend's parents live on. She was showing me around the barn when she picked up a tool and said, "We used this to castrate the goats… and I'll use it on you if you piss me off." FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML
Today, I took my kids to the petting zoo and my toddler decided to feed the goats her entire bag of popcorn. The goats swarmed her and stole her shoes. FML
Today, I took my toddler to a petting zoo and warned her not to stick her fingers in the goat pen. Two minutes later, I stuck my finger in to pet one, and it bit me. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “See? I told you.” FML
Today, I went to an amusement park with a group of friends, one of whom was a girl I really like. When we got on the roller coaster, I was ecstatic that she wanted to sit next to me. Not even half-way through, I ended up puking all over the both of us. FML
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Top comments
Epsilonyx 15
It's obvious...she actually controls the minds of goats, so she told the goat to ram into your genitals. Happens all the time.
erinnrose 9
That's a sign you should get over her
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Comments (96)
oneFUCKINword 8
Sorry about the goat thing, but maybe it's time to let go. Ex's are ex's for a reason..
LuckyLynx7732 5
Use this crack to the nuts as a reminder of why you should never try to get back together with an ex.
Squelchy 1
Well, it's your fault. She wouldn't have broken up with you if it weren't for the chest herpes.
mousey119 4
To be honest if that happened to my boyfriend I'd laugh before checking he was ok,
Sugah_Shane1 2
Don't read into it too much. She's allowed to make jokes at your expense. Especially as an ex
cBlackout 13
Just play it off and get some ice. Make a joke out of it and you're fine.
MochiDango 4
Goats can be very temperamental OP, I don't see why they are in petting zoos other than to amuse bystanders as little kids get head butted by them. I hope things work out, but if she didn't wonder if you were okay, it's probably not going to happen. I hope everything works out. FYL
brandy1 5
At least it wasn't a rhino or something because those horns could have done some serious damage.
CastielJ 6
Time to stop re-kindling and put the fire out.
perdix 31
A ram is a sheep, not a goat. She probably laughed because you don't even know common barnyard animals.
laden_swallow09 35
Reading comprehension, perdix. May wanna try again after a few hours. :)
Sencilia 14
It says he was RAMMED in the balls by a GOAT. You know, rammed? Meaning charged?
hiphopchick7 1
perdix u have no life Lmao, RAMMED not RAM
perdix 31
Oh, you city kids are so cute. Goats don't ram, they butt. We should be talking about BUTTS . . . you go first ;)
hockeyoceancity 13
I love reading these commenters comments to Perdix! He lures them in then makes them look stupid, like myself. But since you want to talk about butts, i was at this bridal dressing place yesturday and this girl weighs 565 pounds and has the ass that could swallow you whole! Gorgeous when she was in her dress! Now let's play guess the color of the dress!!!!
perdix 31
#63. Fuchsia. Please, let it be fuchsia!