Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I borrowed a goat from a coworker to clear out an overgrown section of our yard. It worked great, except for the part where the goat butted me on my ass. Of course my wife was filming and laughing, and later put it on Instagram. FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML
Today, my friend thought it'd be a great idea to drag me a new fitness trend - goat yoga. Mid-session, the goat had a nibble on my hair, and I ended up having to do a downward dog while trying to dodge a very friendly but mischievous farm animal. FML
Today, while petting one of the goats we have, the other one was jealous so it ripped out a chunk of my hair. FML
Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML
Today, I went to the farm my girlfriend's parents live on. She was showing me around the barn when she picked up a tool and said, "We used this to castrate the goats… and I'll use it on you if you piss me off." FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML
Today, I took my kids to the petting zoo and my toddler decided to feed the goats her entire bag of popcorn. The goats swarmed her and stole her shoes. FML
Today, I took my toddler to a petting zoo and warned her not to stick her fingers in the goat pen. Two minutes later, I stuck my finger in to pet one, and it bit me. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “See? I told you.” FML
Today, I went to an amusement park with a group of friends, one of whom was a girl I really like. When we got on the roller coaster, I was ecstatic that she wanted to sit next to me. Not even half-way through, I ended up puking all over the both of us. FML
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Top comments
Epsilonyx 15
It's obvious...she actually controls the minds of goats, so she told the goat to ram into your genitals. Happens all the time.
erinnrose 9
That's a sign you should get over her
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Comments (96)
tctheamazing 7
Did you really have to hash tag it? Makes it even more annoying -__-
thatKidzmOm 10
33-your comment was as original as it gets
jordantiner 0
How is this an fml? That's funny! I would have expected her to laugh because that's what makes a good relationship!
bman0219 4
I used to work in a zoo trust me getting kicked in the balls by a kangaroo hurts a lot worse than a little petting zoo goat but still I feel your pain bro
skyeyez9 25
I always thought male goats were scary looking. Like the animal version of Satan with those weird eyes, goatee and curled horns
Jasonf6 0
Did you kick her in her snatch and ask her how it felt?
hateevryone 15
She probably just thought it was funny.
Brilliant66star 17
Maybe you need to calm down, since even the goats can tell you're rutting and, as usual, they're taking on all opponents.
thunter2000 2
Sounds like its mutton for dinner
towboater198425 6
The definition of stupid is doing the exact same thing twice in a row and hoping for different results! Good luck buddy!
Dashaun94 2
Insane* sorry but I have a problem with correcting people...